Grace and Peas to you...

You've got mail!

2011-01-27T22:49:00.000-08:00

Ooooh. I received this interesting package in the mail. I've been waiting for this...how exciting? What is it? Ahhh...the big reveal once I get some decent photos of it.

Something to warm the cold autumn nights...

2010-11-23T23:56:00.001-08:00

A new fall favorite creation... ginger-pear chai tea.

I had some leftover pear cores/peels from my cran-pear cheesecake, so I threw them in some water with ginger to simmer and then added a teabag of chai. The perfect drink for the cold autumn evenings we have been having. It's like a lovely pear cider - warm, sweet, and spicy.

-------------------------------

Friendship is born at that moment when one person says to another:
‘What! You too? I thought I was the only one.’ — C.S. Lewis

Friday morning grace

2010-09-17T11:57:00.000-07:00

My youngest brother left for college this morning. He'll be moving in this weekend and on his own for the first time. I am super excited for him and praying that the Lord will grow him tremendously in the next four years. His leaving is bittersweet. Selfishly, I am a bit sad that both my siblings are gone, and I am apprehensive to think that I am the only one at home with both my parents. It'll be challenging at times I'm sure, but...gotta keep my chin up yah? Praying for good attitudes, and scores of macrothumia by God's grace.

My apprehension received a foreboding omen as this morning as my mother could not pass up an opportunity to ream me for several things before I left for work. It begins already. =) What a way to start off my work day, eh? There are times when my mother is in a critical mood that she will not only criticize me for past things, but she will then start get angry at me for things that she thinks I might do wrong. So much for innocent before proven guilty. How can I possibly reason with her for things that I might do that she is mad about? Er, how does one apologize for future things that one hasn't even lived out yet? *sigh*

Only with my mother can I be guilty before having done anything. But you know what? Before the Lord, I am guilty - supremely, condemningly guilty - and yet I have been forgiven. Amazing how every problem in life can be soothed by the sweetness of gospel truth. And that is the one thought that swept the gloomy clouds out of my Friday morning commute. A little bit of unexpected chocolate cake in the office doesn't hurt either. =)

trying to win on logos =)

2010-08-23T18:46:00.001-07:00

Logos Bible Software is giving away thousands of dollars of prizes to celebrate the launch of Logos Bible Software 4 Mac on October 1. Prizes include an iMac, a MacBook Pro, an iPad, an iPod Touch, and more than 100 other prizes!

They’re also having a special limited-time sale on their Mac and PC base packages and upgrades. Check it out!

Lemon Yogurt Cake with Blueberry Sauce

2010-05-11T23:48:00.000-07:00

How I miss reading food blogs. Lately my Google reader-ship has been taken over with wedding blogs and articles. Delving back into my food blogs this weekend yielded a treasure of "to try" recipes. I found one on my favorite Smitten Kitchen that begged me to go out and bake it that day. Hers was lime/blackberry, I adapted to include the fresh blueberries and home grown lemons I had on hand.

My baking endeavors started with me looking for the springform pan for a good 10-15 minutes. Lovely. But I was determined to make this cake. Mother's Day was around the corner so I got to baking Saturday night so I could surprise my mom in the morning, and also bring an extra cake to church for lunch. A note for those who don't have a microplane to zest your lemons...a serrated knife works decently, but it definitely is a labor of love. One that is serrated but not too deeply notched works best for scraping .

This recipe requires both baking soda and baking powder. Be sure not to mix them up in your measurements. =) One it's added to form the cake batter, you'll notice the batter might look airier/fluffier. This is probabbbbly because the acidity int he lemon and the yogurt will begin reacting with baking soda immediately. So don't wait too long before you pop it in the oven.

A note on the blueberry puree. I had one 6 oz. box, and I started out with adding just a bit of sugar until it was sweet enough. The original recipe called for more sugar and a bit of water, but perhaps blackberries are more tart. I felt that the blueberries had enough liquid to not need extra water.

Voila! Lest you worry that this cake is lacking because of the yogurt...fear not....it's full fat yogurt. =) The cake is moist and the tanginess of the yogurt adds something nice to the cake. It's sweet but not too sweet and it's got a bit of a dense crumb but without being too heavy. It's got a nice almost...chew to it. I don't know how to describe it or if it was because of the yogurt, but it's yummy and got a great texture. Bon appetit!

Lemon Yogurt Cake with Blueberry Sauce
Adapted generously from Smitten Kitchen

Cake:
1 cup whole milk plain unsweetened yogurt
1/3 cup olive oil (or vegetable oil)
1 cup sugar
zest of one lemon
1/4 cup lemon juice
2 eggs
1 2/3 cups all-purpose flour
1 1/2 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon baking soda
1/8 teaspoon salt

Sauce:
6 ounces fresh blueberries (either fresh or frozen is okay; feel free adapt with any other berry)
2-3 tablespoons sugar
1 tablespoon fresh lemon juice
water (if needed)

Preheat the oven to 350 degrees. Grease the sides of a 9-inch round cake pan or springform pan with oil and completely line the bottom with parchment paper if the pan is not springform. You’ll need the parchment paper to get the cake out so don’t forget it! A 9-inch cake pan will likely yield a thicker cake than a larger springform. I used a springform in the photos below.
In a large mixing bowl, whisk together the yogurt, oil, sugar, lime zest and juice. Add the eggs one by one, whisking well after each addition. Sift flour, baking powder, baking soda and salt together; stir into yogurt batter until just combined.
Pour the batter into the prepared cake pan and bake for 35 to 40 minutes, until the top is golden brown and a knife inserted in the center comes out clean. Transfer the pan to a cooling rack and let stand for 10 minutes. Run a knife around the pan to loosen. If you’re using the springform pan, unclasp the sides. Otherwise, flip the cake onto a plate and flip it back on the rack. Serve slightly warm or at room temperature.
Combine blueberries, sugar, and lemon juice in blender or food processor. I recommend adding half the sugar and the rest a bit at a time until desired sweetness is reached. Purée until very smooth, and add water if sauce if not to the consistency you desire. If you like, you can press the sauce through a fine mesh strainer to yield a completely smooth sauce, but I liked the look of the sauce without straining. Refrigerate until serving with cake.

Note: I believe the cake should keep well for about 2-3 days, wrapped in plastic at room temperature. The sauce can be made up three days in advance, as well. It can also be frozen for future use, or mixed into any leftover yogurt you might have! Yumyum.

Dear Heavenly Father...

2010-04-28T01:07:00.000-07:00

"Therefore, since we have a great high priest who has passed through the heavens, Jesus the Son of God, let us hold fast our confession. For we do not have a high priest who cannot sympathize with our weaknesses, but One who has been tempted in all things as we are, yet without sin. Therefore let us draw near with confidence to the throne of grace, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
- Hebrews 4:14-16

late night ramblings

2010-04-27T01:35:00.000-07:00

There's kind of a lot going on in my life presently. Well, perhaps it is better to rephrase that there's a lot going on in my head nowadays. As far as my life, I feel that at times it is at a standstill. This past year has been filled with a lot of ups and downs and continuing difficulties. I am still kind of wondering when the trials will end, and wondering what it is that the Lord would have me learn in this time. But I guess...that's all okay. At the end of the day, it comes down to reminding myself that no matter what trials may persist that through it all God is sovereign. In any bad thing that may befall me in this life, God will use it for my good.

And I don't say that lightly or cavalierly. Trust me, I spent half of last night in tears, and a good part of it today as well. I can probably safely say that in this past year there have been more trials than smooth sailing days. At least...it is the trials that stick with me the most this past year. Yet, I have much to be thankful for. It is a hard thing to trust the Lord. Can we just go ahead and admit that to ourselves? I am so increasingly aware of my human weakness and limited understanding. So it is no small thing when I can even say that in whatever befalls me the Lord is sovereign and will use it for my good. It is something that I have to actively remind myself of and see within the pages of Scripture.

So, I've got ups and downs from time to time. Some moments are exceedingly difficult, and though I drown myself in prayer and Scripture and take comfort in God's goodness and faithfulness in my life, still I can't stop the tears from flowing. But some moments, there is this settled peace even in the midst of all my sorrows. I attribute it to the grace of God in my life. The peace and comfort I have from the Lord is not typically a brightly shining cheery happiness, but more like a quiet stillness. It is a kind of stillness in which my mind is quieted. My mind no longer buzzes with activity and is for those brief moments no longer focused upon that which brings me grief, sorrow, misery, fear, or anxiety. It is in those moments that I desire nothing else but that the cares of this life would fade away permanently and that eternity would just start right now so that I could just dwell in the physical presence of Christ.

What eventually happens is that those cares and concerns of this present life come crashing back down upon me, and I find myself back where I started...in the midst of a trial. All the weakness and sorrow is back, yet I know, I know, that I can still bank my hopes on the fact that one day all trials will end and eternity with Christ will come. I hope that as I learn to cling to Christ more, that I will have more moments of this settled peace rather than tears and sorrow amidst life trials. Perhaps it is too much to ask for happiness in this life. Any happiness I do receive is an extra blessing from the Lord. I only ask to be able to have joy and hope in Christ. With these hopefully I shall be content even if all else is striped from me.

At the present, there are things in this life that I am concerned and care about. Though most of these concerns and cares are temporary (from an eternal perspective), they are nevertheless important to me, at least for the duration of this life. And hopefully the things in this life now that are important to me are things that will also have eternal impact. I hope they will be things that lend to my sanctification and to my goal to glorify God in this life.

"our Lord will come"

2010-04-22T04:41:00.000-07:00

It is curious how the pain of suffering and heartache can bring one to desire Heaven that much more. In my lows, my hopes in the return of my Savior could not be higher. In the lowest of lows, I can always remember that nothing will ever be lower in my life than when I was dead in sin. Perhaps this is something I need to remember more often.

Maranatha.

weak vessel

2010-04-15T04:04:00.000-07:00

-------------------------------------------------

It's hard to get thoughts together at such a late hour when I am definitely feeling the weariness, but reading this verse in the quiet hour of the night when everyone else is sleeping is soothing to me. I was actually thinking over a couple of things strung together that brought me in the end to this verse. Recently, I've been dwelling on the road Christ led to the cross. In the end, all that supported and followed him scattered, and He was utterly forsaken. We can all relate to that at times, can't we? Don't we all experience times in our lives where we feel kind of alone, or even forsaken or abandoned to an extent? It's a painful feeling, and I think about how it must have felt for Christ knowing in advance that his closest followers would flee and yet He still was determined to go to the cross for the sake of the glory of the Father. What strikes me more than being deserted by his friends is the forsaking that takes place on the cross. Because He took upon himself our sin, my sin, He bore the wrath of God for us and was forsaken by the Father because of our sin. I can't even imagine what it must have felt like for Christ to have perfect, constant, complete triune fellowship with the Father broken and for Him to be separated from the Father. It was probably in that darkest moment of human history on the cross that Christ felt the deepest loneliness that any forsaken person could ever feel. Can you not hear the anguish when He cries out "My God, My God, why have you forsaken Me?" I am in awe when I remember that it is by his wounds that we are healed. Because He was forsaken, I have a restored personal relationship with God.

As my heart was dwelling on these things this week, tonight I remember that lest I ever feel defeated by my weaknesses and the things that are troublesome and painful in life, I can remember the humanity of Christ. I have a God who sympathizes with my weaknesses down to the even most basic human needs. There are times when I detest my weaknesses. I grew up in a family where I was made to feel that emotions and feelings are a weakness, and to be quite honest I still feel that way a lot of the time. There are times when I feel ashamed for the pain or weakness I feel and would wish them away if I could. Scripture doesn't hide away Christ's humanity. When I read the Scriptures I remember that Christ thirsted on the cross. He went hungry. He grew tired and weary. He felt sorrow, grief. There is so much comfort and hope in knowing that we have a God who has been through the whole gamut of human weaknesses, and yet without sin. Not only does He understand our humanity, but Christ has conquered where I have failed. Though in this life I will have to deal with my weaknesses, Christ has conquered sin on my behalf and the victory has been won.

In truth, I inhabit a weak, fallen body with (sometimes) weak, fallen emotions. But I think often fail to remember that Savior felt things intensely as well, and had moments of human weakness. Christ being utterly forsaken on the cross was probably the lowest, weakest point in human history. I know I will continue to struggle on this side of Heaven, but I hope more and more as I look to my Savior that I will find hope and comfort in times of weakness (and even to say with Paul that I will rejoice in my weakness!).

Conclusion?: When faced with my emotions, I am often plagued by guilt or shame over my human weakness. Forces in this world only act to strengthen my feelings of shame. But because we have Christ as our sympathizing high priest, the truth of Scripture would bid me to draw near with confidence, not shame, to His throne of grace. Humbled and broken, I can take comfort in knowing that I will always receive mercy and find grace to help in my time of need.

-------------------------------
"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction so that we will be able to comfort those who are in any affliction with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God."
- 2 Corinthians 1:3-4

"And He has said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for power is perfected in weakness.” Most gladly, therefore, I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me. Therefore I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong."
- 2 Corinthians 12:9-10

balm: a soothing restorative agency

2010-04-15T02:11:00.000-07:00

Valley of Vision: "Sleep" (165)

...Help me when I helpless lie,
when my conscience accuses me of sin,
when my mind is harassed by foreboding thoughts,
when my eyes are held awake by personal anxieties.

Show thyself to me as the God of all grace, love and power;
thou hast a balm for every wound,
a solace for all anguish,
a remedy for every pain,
a peace for all disquietude.
Permit me to commit myself to thee awake or asleep.

Psalm 16:8-11 - "I have set the Lord continually before me; Because He is at my right hand, I will not be shaken. Therefore my heart is glad and my glory rejoices; My flesh also will dwell securely. For You will not abandon my soul to Sheol; Nor will You allow Your Holy One to undergo decay. You will make known to me the path of life; In Your presence is fullness of joy; In Your right hand there are pleasures forever."

2010-04-15T01:54:00.000-07:00

To the cross I look, to the cross I cling
Of it's suffering I do drink, of it's work I do sing
For on it my Savior both bruised and crushed
Showed that God is love
And God is just

At the cross You beckon me
You draw me gently to my knees, and I am lost for words
So lost in love
I'm sweetly broken, wholly surrendered

Chipotle Chicken Tortilla Soup

2010-04-13T21:58:00.000-07:00

Yes! Time for another recipe. I have tried a couple of really good tortilla soups and have had a long-time craving to make it myself some day, but the list of ingredients involved has always kept me from venturing forth. But really, the hardest part of this soup is probably just the grocery shopping. Other than that, if you can chop and stir and taste, you can make this soup with a bit of time and loving attention.

This soup makes for the most lovely photos as well! Sweet!

I have a recipe I'm going to post, but really this soup is flexible and adaptable, so I encourage you to make use of your taste buds and taste your soup often as you go. It's the best way to customize your soup to the right amount of flavor and spiciness level. And if you don't have one type of vegetable, feel free to substitute it for another. (For example, though Mexican food isn't complete without bell peppers, I skipped out on it because ONE pepper would cost me $2. For that price, I bought 4 zucchini instead!) The recipe I adapted is from SkinnyGourmet awesomely delicious yet healthy version that employs quinoa into the soup (great idea!).

I made this is a large stockpot (I think at least 18-20 quarts). If you have a family that has different spiciness tolerance, you can split the soup at the end and add the chipotle, chili powder, and jalapeno as the very last thing.

I imagine this would also be great made in a slow cooker, but I was short on time today.

E’s Chicken Tortilla Soup (Makes 18-20 quarts. Freezes well.)

2-3 pounds boneless skinless chicken breasts (or 3-4 lbs split chicken breasts)
10 cups of water (or chicken stock if using boneless chicken)
2 large yellow onions, diced
4 large carrots, peeled, chopped
6-8 cloves fresh garlic, minced
chicken or vegetable bouillon
2 can fire roasted diced tomatoes
2 can regular diced tomatoes
2 small cans mild green chilis (7 oz each)
1 medium jalapeno, deseeded, minced finely (optional)
1 pack crimini mushrooms, sliced
1 can hominy
2 cup diced bell peppers
2 medium zucchini, diced
1 15-20 oz can sweet corn (no salt added)
1/2-3/4 cup dried quinoa
2 teaspoon dried oregano (preferably Mexican oregano)
3-4 tsp ground cumin
3-5 TB tablespoons chili powder
1 teaspoon chipotles in adobo, blended
3-4 tsp ground cumin
salt to taste
freshly ground black pepper to taste

Garnish with (optional): Sour cream or Greek yogurt, tortilla strips, avocado, cilantro, fresh diced tomatoes, lime juice

Directions:

If creating own stock, combine about 10 cups water with 3-4 lbs of chicken breasts (bones included, but skin removed) and bring to boil. The water level should be about 1 inch above the chicken breasts. Dice onions, carrots, and garlic. Add to pot of stock. After bringing to boil, simmer for at least 2 hours. When stock is finished, taste and add additional chicken broth or chicken/vegetable bouillon if more flavor is needed.
Remove the chicken breasts, and debone and shred chicken when cooled slightly. Return to soup just before serving.
If not making your own stock, follow the same procedure with store-bought chicken broth/stock and boneless chicken breasts and simmer until chicken can be shredded. Or a faster variation is to dice and sauté chicken to add to soup later.
To the stock, add 3 of the 4 cans of diced tomatoes. Pour in the whole can including the tomato juices. Simmer for another 5-10 minutes with the stock, carrots, and onions. Momentarily turn off the heat. With a hand blender, carefully blend the soup until you get a nice thicker, orange-red soup. (Tips: Soup is hot so please use caution. With a hand blender insure that the head is submerged well into the soup unless you want hot soup on your stove and in your face. If you don’t own a hand blender, a regular blender or food processor works as well.)
After liquid is blended, turn the heat back on and add remaining can of tomato, mild green chilis, mushrooms, and hominy to pot. Stir and bring back up to a simmer. (If adding jalapenos, add half of one jalapeno, simmer and taste. Add the rest if you like it hot.)
Rinse quinoa in cold water and drain. Add quinoa to pot and stir. Set timer to simmer/boil for about 10-15 minutes. Quinoa is done when it has turned transparent and the spiral-looking germ has separated from the grain.
5-10 minutes after you have added the quinoa, add the zucchini, bell peppers, corn and simmer for remaining 5 minutes.
Using a small food processor, blend the chipotle peppers in adobo sauce to make a chipotle sauce. Add 1/2-1 teaspoon of chipotle sauce at a time, stirring and tasting until you’ve reached your desired spiciness. Add salt and pepper to taste.
Before serving, garnish with cilantro, lemon juice, avocado, torilla strips, sour cream, cheese, etc.

Baked Tortilla Strips:
Use 1-2 corn tortillas per bowl of soup. Slice each into thin strips, about 1/4 inch wide. Cut the strips into even lengths if you like, or leave them long and break them up later when they are crispy. Spray strips with oil (or use PAM) sprinkle with coarse salt, and toss to ensure even coating. Sprinkle with lime juice if desired! Arrange in an even layer on a metal cookie sheet. Broil on low until crisp, approx 5-10 minutes. Check them often (especially toward the end) because the intensity of the broiling heat varies by oven.

gimmicks rather than gospel

2010-04-09T01:10:00.000-07:00

Recently, I've heard of a couple examples churches that employed specific techniques to try to get people to church for Easter Sunday.

Exhibit A: Jonas brothers Easter performance.
Wow. Ridiculous. Even for this church I have heard of I thought that this was kind of a low point. No offense meant to the Jonas brothers, but Easter is about Christ.

Exhibit B: Church holds an Easter car giveaway.

Wow. It's heartbreaking.

I was curious to see if a church that would employ the Jonas Brothers or a free car to attract people to church would at least preach the truth of the gospel. Hmm...I guess that's a little too much to hope for. To be fair, I actually poked around to find out what was preached in their Easter service.

Gospel? Nope. No gospel. Currently, I'm 45 minutes into the sermon (which isn't saying much since they stop to sing after every point. Perhaps in order to keep you on your gushy mushy emotional high? That's right...I said it.). At this point I have to hit the stop button. Because I feel like throwing up? Umm...maybe. Primarily, I feel grief. I feel heartache for people being led astray by attractive lies coated in half-truths. Actually, let me clarify what hurts most. Easter is about Christ risen from the dead. In this message, the resurrection of Christ is completely forgotten, and what a dishonor that is to our Lord. Gimmicks rather than Gospel.

My conclusion on the sermon I'm listening to right now? Definitely no gospel. Oh, unless you count the 20 seconds with 3 sentences containing something about how God sent his son in the form of man who died on the cross and rose again so that we could be forgiven for our sins.

Honestly, can we get real about what the gospel is really about? It is NOT about how God can "heal your pain", and that the only hope we have is in "God's love for us" to fill the "hole in our heart". The danger lies within a bit of truth mixed into error. The pastor of this church went on to claim on this Easter Sunday that if one repents, one gets: forgiveness, a purpose in life, a place in heaven. Boy, that sounds a bit selfish and man-centered to me. Are those things untrue? No. But PLEASE, the gospel is not about ME and what I GET out of God.

I had to hit the stop button after that last line. But what else did I expect from a pastor who would invite the Jonas Brothers to entice people to come to church on Easter? Not much I guess. I remain heartbroken thinking about all the people who ignorantly sat in that stadium and listened. May they one day hear saving gospel truth.

TWO important things I feel need to be said at this post's end:

It is by hearing/believing the GOSPEL that people are saved, and it is the power of GOD to save. The gospel has power. Not...free cars. Not...boy band performances.
The gospel is not about how we get a bunch of stuff from God. Yes, through the gospel I am extremely blessed more than I could ever deserve, but the gospel is beautiful because it brings glory to God. The gospel is about the person and work of Christ.

"For I am not ashamed of the gospel, for it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who believes, to the Jew first and also to the Greek." Romans 1:16

safest and sweetest

2010-03-15T19:36:00.000-07:00

“Everything that a man leans upon but God—will be a dart which will certainly pierce his heart through and through. He who leans only upon Christ—lives the highest, choicest, safest and sweetest life.” - Thomas Brooks

puppy

2010-03-13T01:14:00.000-08:00

This is an entirely useless post, but I'm going to post it anyway. It's my blog, my thoughts.

So...I wish I had a puppy. *sigh* Well, not really...but I have always wanted one when I was younger...and I was just thinking again that it would be nice. It's been a while since I've thought about it (since I've realized how much work a puppy is), but it would be fun (though for certain I will not get one). At least I can dream. Puppies are so cute, and loyal, and they just love you when...well, they just do huh? Throw them a tennis ball, sneak them some table scraps every so often, and they are your super happy best friends. I mean...look at these cute fluffy guys...how can you resist? =)

Does anyone have a puppy I can play with? Oh well...if I can't get a puppy, I would like to get a tiger. That oughta do it:

Chocolate Soufflé Cupcakes (with Coffee Whipped Cream )

2010-03-04T23:24:00.000-08:00

Do you love chocolate? Do you love flourless? Me too. Does eating even the thinnest slice of flourless chocolate cake make you feel like downing a jug of milk (or perhaps go to more extreme measures…signing up for the gym, eating celery for lunch…)? Yeah…oh so good, but dense, isn’t it? If only…if only there were some way to capture the rich decadence of flourless chocolate cake without the sinking-straight-to-the-bottom-of-my-stomach feeling.

Then…a revelation. Soufflés. Never made one, but always had images of deflating oven concoctions to match the faces of deflated, disillusioned bakers. Someday I will go and prove that soufflés are not as hard as people fear, but today is not the day. Instead, I want to talk about soufflé cupcakes. CHOCOLATE soufflé cupcakes. Yesss…the genius of it. I owe my thanks to a recipe adapted from one of my favorite food blogs at Smitten Kitchen.

Let’s cut to the chase. The rich decadence of flourless chocolate…wrapped up in an airy, melty soufflé - in cupcake form. The recipe screamed BAKE ME. NOW. And luckily I had a fancy foodie shindig to attend, so I went right to it.

So those who hold onto fears of soufflé, these cupcakes are not intimidating, just a few more steps than your one-bowl cupcake batter…but oh-so-worth-it. I promise, not scary to make…ignore the fancy soufflé title. If you can melt chocolate, separate eggs, beat egg whites, and fold with a spatula, you can make these cupcakes. In fact, all the work will be done my your trusty hand mixer (please don’t attempt this without one, unless you want to get in a major arm workout while you're at it).

The thing about your soufflé cupcakes is that as they cool, the middles will sink down a bit. WHAT?! Don’t panic, that’s exactly what we want because it makes the perfect indentation to fill with yummy whipped cream.

Before we get started, a few things I did differently in my recipe than Deb of Smitten Kitchen. She melts the butter, chocolate, and espresso all in one pot instead of a double boiler, putting the butter on the bottom to prevent the chocolate from burning. I trust it works, but since I’ve never tried it and I only had just enough dark chocolate chips left for my recipe, I decided to do the double boiler method. And since I was baking this at my boyfriend’s house, there is of course no double boiler to be found so I made do with a heatproof bowl set over a pot of simmering hot water. Instead of the mint cream included as filling in her recipe, I decided to use my coffee whipped cream recipe to fill the centers.

Deb also measured out her chocolate in ounces (another one of those moments I wish I had a kitchen scale). So being that I have a degree from UCLA, my Ghirardelli chocolate chips tells me theres 15 g/16 chips…so about a gram a chip. I did a little measurement to figure out about how many chips I would get in a cup, and a few multipliers and divisions later, after all my math checked out I figured out I needed about a cup of chocolate chips for 6oz. Google will tell you this too without math, but I didn’t have the luxury of an iPhone at the moment. And I dearly wanted to get this recipe right. So…go with one cup. Trust me. *sigh*

So…enough banter. Time to give you the recipe so you don’t waste any precious moments getting a batch for yourself going in the oven.

CHOCOLATE SOUFFLÉ CUPCAKES (with coffee whipped cream)

Ingredients:

1 cup (or 6 oz, or 170g) or bittersweet or semisweet chocolate [I used Ghirardelli’s bittersweet chocolate chips.]
6 tablespoons (3/4 stick) unsalted butter, cut into pieces
Heaping 1/4 teaspoon espresso or instant coffee powder [I used Starbucks Via Ready Brew instant coffee.]
3 large eggs, separated
6 tablespoons granulated sugar, divided
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon vanilla extract

Directions:

Stir chocolate, butter and espresso powder together in heavy medium saucepan (with butter on bottom and chocolate on top) over low heat until mostly melted, then remove from the heat and whisk until it is fully melted and smooth. Or melt in a double boiler, stirring over simmering water until completely melted. Cool to lukewarm, stirring occasionally. In the meantime, enjoy the smell of melted chocolate filling your kitchen.

Separate egg yolks and whites into two separate mixing bowls. Using electric mixer beat egg yolks and 3 tablespoons sugar in medium bowl until mixture is very thick and pale, about 2 minutes. Briefly beat lukewarm chocolate mixture, then vanilla extract, into yolk mixture.

Using clean and dry beaters, beat egg whites in another medium bowl until soft peaks form. Gradually add remaining 3 tablespoons sugar and all of the salt, beating until medium-firm peaks form. Volume of egg white will increase quite a bit, so if making more than one batch of cupcakes make sure your mixing bowl is big enough to contain your ballooning egg whites.

Fold whites into chocolate mixture in 3 additions until just evenly incorporated. Be gentle, and don’t overdo it or you’ll deflate the air you’ve so carefully beat into your egg whites that will give your precious cupcakes its soufflé-ing action. Your batter should be voluminously fluffy at this point.

Preheat oven to 350°F . Line a standard cupcake pan (3 ounce cups) with cupcake liners. Divide batter among prepared cups, filling each three-fourths of the way. The Smitten Kitchen recipe says she yielded 9 cupcakes. I got 12. *shrugs* Actually, I got 36 because I made 3 batches. =D I probably could have filled my cups a bit more, but I was cautious for my first test-run. More to share, right? [Or more to hoard…meheheh.]

Bake cakes until tops are puffed and dry to the touch (some may crack, embrace it) and a tester inserted into the centers comes out with some moist crumbs attached, about 15 to 20 minutes. [I baked my apparently smaller, less-filled cupcakes to 13-14 minutes to perfection. I suggest you check your cakes before 15 minute mark…just in case.] Cool in pan on a cooling rack, where the cupcakes will almost immediately start to fall. Again, don’t panic! the greater the fall, the greater the amount of coffee whipped cream. =) Yumyum. Also, try not to take them out before they are cooled…they are a bit delicate and crumbly when piping hot. I broke quite a few trying to get them out, and had to eat them. Darn. (I “broke” a few more after that first bite. =p)

Coffee Whipped Cream

Ingredients:

1/2 cup heavy cream, chilled (the colder the better).
1/2 TB strong coffee (less for expresso)
2 TB powdered sugar (more or less depending on the strength of your coffee)
1/2 tsp vanilla extract

Using clean and DRY beaters, use the electric mixer to beat chilled heavy cream. When soft ripples/peask just begin to form, add in coffee, vanilla extract and powdered sugar. Continue beating (tasting in between and adding more powdered sugar or coffee to desired taste) until stiff peaks form. If you’ve never made homemade whipped cream (…well, shame on you!), just be patient with it and keep beating as it takes several minutes to set up. Getting the bowl and cream as chilled up as possible helps. Don’t overbeat once you’ve gotten your whipped cream, or you’ll get butter.

I find the best way to fill the completely cooled cupcakes is to spoon some whipped cream into a ziplock bag, seal it, cut one corner of the bag and pipe the whipped cream out of the tip. Hint: If bringing to a party, wait to pipe them until after dinner…it’s quick to do, I promise. Just try not to eat them all out of the oven before they get there. If I had any chocolate shavings to go on top of the cupcakes, it would have been the perfect finisher. While I didn’t have any of that, I do have an amazingly cool engineer for a boyfriend who has secret creative juices. He came up with great ideas for presentation, and before you know it we were running down the rainy sidewalk to collect flowers just outside the house.

How did our friends at the dinner party like the cupcakes? Well…there weren’t too many leftover. (See sad face.) Good thing I made 36 of them…and snuck some out pre-party to take home to my room…*coughcough*…I mean, my family. Hint: They taste just as good the next day…and the day after...especially if you pop them in the microwave (sans chipped cream of course) for ten seconds. Kudos to you if you have enough willpower to keep them around uneaten longer than that!

Bon appétit!

new layout...

2010-03-04T23:00:00.000-08:00

Totally not important, but I wanted to change my layout. Er...mainly I wanted more blog width and the html on my old template wasn't doin' it for me. It was time for something fresh. I do miss my old logo, but maybe I'll find a way to bring it back into this one.

Ah, who cares...I just use Google Reader anyway. =p

"But it was just my imagination...runnin' away from me..."

2010-02-17T22:57:00.000-08:00

"No temptation has overtaken you that is not common to man. God is faithful, and he will not let you be tempted beyond your ability, but with the temptation he will also provide the way of escape, that you may be able to endure it."- 1 Cor 10:13

The tagline...The Temptations. get it? ha. ha. okok. I tried. But...

...speaking of imagination (heheh), I find it easy for me at times to imagine that I am alone in the things I struggle with. There are times I find myself beating myself up over something I find foolish. I often feel the strength of my weaknesses overwhelm me, and I tell myself I ought not to feel this way or be struggling with these issues. To put it plainly, "What's wrong with me?" Especially after leaving college, it's been only to easy to feel like I'm alone on these things.

But there's a bright light. 1 Corinthians 10:13 tells me otherwise. Nothing that I have ever struggled with is uncommon to fallen man. The sins I fight I do not fight alone. Maybe around me there doesn't feel like there is anyone who understands, but my Savior does. And God promises a way out, a way to overcome anything by His grace.

And you know what? Tonight I was reminded tangibly that 1 Cor 10:13 is indeed true. Tonight was the first time I got to meet up with the women's small group from church for prayer and accountability. While sharing one particular struggle I had felt foolish about, as soon as the words left my mouth, two of the older women piped up and said immediately, "Oh YEAH; that was hard for me." Frankly, I didn't expect that at all, and I replied with, "Really?" Their replies were, "Yup. Trust me. It gets harder." And as I got to hear one their own stories/examples, it made me laugh, and it made me feel a huge deal of relief. Yes, I'm NORMAL! Of course, shared struggles are never an excuse for any of the sinful behaviors that they might lead to. However, I was reminded that to feel temptations in themselves are not sin, and I am NOT THE ONLY ONE to feel those temptations.

I am super thankful that there is grace for every temptation, and thankful that our gracious Lord has provided the body of Christ to understand and encourage one another in the things we commonly face. Hmm, that reminds me of another good verse:

"Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our affliction, so that we may be able to comfort those who are in any affliction, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God. For as we share abundantly in Christ’s sufferings, so through Christ we share abundantly in comfort too." - 2 Corinthians 1:3-5

thoughts to get through the day

2010-02-17T16:48:00.000-08:00

A quote from D. Martyn Lloyd Jones , taken from a very helpful GirlTalk blog post series:

“There is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and feeling happy. The Scripture tells us that we should always rejoice [Phil. 4:4]....To rejoice is a command, yes, but there is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and being happy. You cannot make yourself happy, but you can make yourself rejoice, in the sense that you will always rejoice in the Lord. Happiness is something within ourselves, rejoicing is ‘in the Lord.’ Take the fourth chapter of the Second Epistle to the Corinthians. There you will find that the great Apostle puts it all very plainly and clearly in that series of extraordinary contrasts which he makes: ‘We are troubled on every side (I don’t think he felt very happy at the moment) yet not distressed’, ‘we are perplexed (he wasn’t feeling happy at all at that point) but not in despair’, ‘persecuted but not forsaken’, ‘cast down, but not destroyed’--and so on. In other words the Apostle does not suggest a kind of happy person in a carnal sense, but he was still rejoicing."

"But we have this treasure in jars of clay, to show that the surpassing power belongs to God and not to us. We are afflicted in every way, but not crushed; perplexed, but not driven to despair; persecuted, but not forsaken; struck down, but not destroyed; always carrying in the body the death of Jesus, so that the life of Jesus may also be manifested in our bodies."

2 Corinthians 4:7-10

"Do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus. Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is honorable, whatever is just, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is commendable, if there is any excellence, if there is anything worthy of praise, think about these things."

Philippians 4:6-8

I will glory in my Redeemer
Whose priceless blood has ransomed me
Mine was the sin that drove the bitter nails
And hung Him on that judgment tree
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who crushed the power of sin and death
My only Savior before the Holy Judge
The Lamb Who is my righteousness
The Lamb Who is my righteousness

I will glory in my Redeemer
My life He bought, my love He owns
I have no longings for another
I’m satisfied in Him alone
I will glory in my Redeemer
His faithfulness my standing place
Though foes are mighty and rush upon me
My feet are firm, held by His grace
My feet are firm, held by His grace

I will glory in my Redeemer
Who carries me on eagle's wings
He crowns my life with lovingkindness
His triumph song I'll ever sing
I will glory in my Redeemer
Who waits for me at gates of gold
And when He calls me it will be paradise
His face forever to behold
His face forever to behold

2010-02-04T00:53:00.000-08:00

Ahh, the written Word of God...Scripture preserved through the ages - 2000 some-odd years later and here it is still in front of me. This is what I needed. For today. For me. For this very moment.

God is so good. He is faithful through all things.

1 Peter 2:18-25 –

"Servants, be subject to your masters with all respect, not only to the good and gentle but also to the unjust. For this is a gracious thing, when, mindful of God, one endures sorrows while suffering unjustly. For what credit is it if, when you sin and are beaten for it, you endure? But if when you do good and suffer for it you endure, this is a gracious thing in the sight of God. For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, so that you might follow in his steps. He committed no sin, neither was deceit found in his mouth. When he was reviled, he did not revile in return; when he suffered, he did not threaten, but continued entrusting himself to him who judges justly. He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed. For you were straying like sheep, but have now returned to the Shepherd and Overseer of your souls."

when...?

2010-01-19T23:50:00.000-08:00

Watching and waiting our whole life through
For the moment when we arrived in glory.
We'll be standing before His emerald throne.
O what a day it will be!

All tears are gone and suffering ceased,
Perfect new life with no earthly strife,
For we've finished the race, run to His embrace.
O what a day that will be!

When we've arrived, stunned and surprised,
All things resolved in the blink of an eye;
No more distractions, no sin left to fight.
That first glimpse of Jesus and faith becomes sight.

-Enfield

a child of God

2010-01-07T20:32:00.000-08:00

"See how great a love the Father has bestowed on us, that we would be called children of God; and such we are. For this reason the world does not know us, because it did not know Him."

- 1 John 3:1

A child of God. Me. This brings me so much hope and comfort. More than I deserve.

Chocolate-Dipped Walnut Shortbread

2009-12-22T22:51:00.000-08:00

OKAY! So I had this recipe for shortbread that I adapted into a walnut shortbread cookie. I just finished watching Julie and Julia and had this itching urge to blog one of my recent recipe endeavors. Except lo and behold, I could NOT find the recipe I used anywhere on my computer. I had a vague recollection that I had used a recipe but adapted it, therefore using my computer's search capacities yielded no favorable results using either "chocolate dipped" or "walnut." But it has been found! Turns out it was filed under a coconut shortbread recipe, and I had two varieties and was looking at the wrong one apparently and...well, no one cares. The point is...I am now ready to present my cookies.

So on to the cookies. I think this dough lends itself well to freezing and saving for later. My method for this dough was to split it into two logs and wrap them in wax paper, pressing the dough with the wax paper to form it into even, rectangular logs as best as possible. That way after the dough had firmed up I could slice and bake them.
Another thing to note is that I liked to toast the walnuts on a tray in the toaster oven for a few minutes before mixing them into the dough because it really brings out the flavor. Cool them down before adding them to the dough.

I haven't experimented enough with shortbread to know quite yet, but I would venture that you would get squarer cookies that hold their shape without spreading as much when they are still frozen as you pop them in the oven. My cookies thawed a bit on the sheet and resulted in more spreading. Of course frozen versus thawed will affect your bake time so use your noggin to adjust accordingly, as I don't remember exactly how long it took to bake these precious morsels.

These cookies are brittle, so if handing them out to friends bring them gently in tupperwares, not plastic baggies as was my mistake. If you decide to dip these puppies in chocolate you may want stack the cookies with layers of parchment paper in between. After a couple days I also noticed that the moisture in the chocolate began to affect the light crispy texture we all know and love of shortbread...but I'm sure you'll have no trouble gobbling up these cookies right away. Enough commentary...on with the recipe!

Chocolate-dipped Walnut Shortbread Cookies

1 cup walnuts, chopped
1 ½ cups unsalted butter, room temperature
1 cup granulated sugar
1 ½ tsp salt
1/2 tsp vanilla extract
1 tsp almond extract
2 2/3 cups all purpose flour

If desired, toast walnuts on an ungreased tray for about 5 minutes and cool.
Beat butter and sugar until well blended and fluffy. Mix in salt and vanilla. Gradually mix in the flour. Fold the walnuts evenly into the dough.
Divide dough into two logs. Shape and wrap with wax paper or parchment paper into rectangular logs. Chill until dough has firmed up enough to be sliced. (Can be prepared 2 days ahead. Keep chilled. Can be frozen and stored for up to…a month?)
Preheat oven to 325°F. Unwrap logs of dough and slice rectangles about ½ inch thick (my slices were 2x1 inch rectangles). Transfer cookies to ungreased baking sheets, spacing 1.5 inches apart.
Bake cookies until light golden, about 20 minutes (perhaps more or less depending if dough is frozen). Cool on baking sheets for 5 minutes. Transfer cookies to racks and cool completely. (Store airtight at room temperature up to 1 week.)

Made more or less than 4 dozen cookies for me.

(More on tempering chocolate for dipping next time.)

families

2009-12-20T18:02:00.000-08:00

Today I had a wonderful time of fellowship at church. Even though one very special friend was away on vacation, it was definitely a nice Sunday of fellowship and basking in the true Christmas Spirit and remembering the birth of our Savior. I got to see old friends, meet some new faces, and catch up with those I see every week. I got to play with baby bethany and successfully kept her from crying for quite some time. After lunch I even got some impromptu hangout time with one of the older ladies at church and it was so great to be able to get to know her better and to seek her counsel on things I have been praying about. It was one of those Sundays where I was just really thankful for the body of Christ.

Then I get home feeling really good and that's when the chips fall. The word "home" for me lately evokes no warm, cozy feelings as I often feel unwelcomed in this house. Maybe it's my fault, or maybe it's just how things turn out sometimes, but I had not even taken my shoes off yet and I some how had the incredible talent of landing myself in an argument with my mother. Yes, again. It started out as a simple thing where I had tried to correct her about what something had been made of, and I instantly regretted even bringing up the topic. Before I know it, she's getting mad at me not only for that small disagreement but she starts bringing up things from 3 weeks ago to use against me. And somehow I remain unsurprised that those things would come back to bite me. So, I lose again.

This has happened many times in recent past, and I can't help seeing what a huge difference there is between the fellowship and joy I have with my church family, and the heartache it is to persevere with my own unbelieving parents.

I guess this kind of highlights similar feelings I have about going into Christmas. Christmas celebrations amongst my relatives have always been Christ-less Christmases about food and presents, and this year things won't be any different than any other year. So I have to admit, it's a little bit disappointing. BUT, how even more thankful I am to have a family in the body of Christ to celebrate with. Today was a day where Christ was not forgotten but praised and celebrated as our hearts overflowed with thanksgiving and worship sweetly filled the sanctuary with Christmas tunes. Forget the "Santa Baby" variety garbage. Well, not that I don't like "Let it Snow" or Frosty. Anyway, it may have been today and not on Christmas Day that I truly get to celebrate Christ with others, but I guess the actual day doesn't matter too much. I'm just thankful that I got to rejoice with fellow believers at least some time during this week. So, come Christmas Day, I hope I'll be ready to carry that CHRISTmas thankfulness in my own heart while most of my other relatives get lost in the flurry of ribbon and wrapping. I can still celebrate on my own that night.

Bring me speedily to the land of joy.

2009-12-17T00:18:00.000-08:00

Tonight I was in the mood for Valley of Vision. Here's another one I would like to share. Now that I have read it, it kind of goes along with the theme of the previous 2 posts. =)

Since Christmas is coming soon, I felt it was an encouraging reminder to remember the reason for our joy. It is a bit harder for me to dwell upon these things at times when for all my Christmases I have grown up in a family where holiday gatherings are filled with food and presents but devoid of Christ. In some ways it can be a little bit sad or disappointing for me. Reading this prayer was a refresher for my heart; a way for me to celebrate in my own little way in my own corner of the house in the peaceful quiet of the night. Praise God for the hope we believers have in the birth of our Savior and what we have to look forward to! I'm starting to feel ready for Christmas to come now!

----------------------------------

All thy ways of mercy tend to end in my delight.
Thou didst weep, sorrow, suffer that I might rejoice.
For thou has sent the Comforter,
multiplied thy promises,
shown me future happiness,
given me a living fountain.
Thou art preparing joy for me and me for joy;
I pray for joy, wait for joy, long for joy;
give me more than I can hold, desire, think of.
Measure out to me my times and degrees of joy,
at my work, business, duties.
If I weep at night, give me joy in the morning.
Let me rest in the thought of thy love,
pardon for sin, my title to heaven,
my future unspotted state.
I am an unworthy recipient of thy grace.
I often disesteem thy blood and slight thy love,
but can in repentance draw water
from the wells of thy joyous forgiveness.
Let my heart leap toward the eternal sabbath,
where the work of redemption, sanctification,
preservation, glorification
is finished and perfected forever,
where thou wilt rejoice over me with joy.
There is no joy like the joy of heaven,
for in that state are no sad divisions, unchristian quarrels,
contentions, evil designs, weariness, hunger, cold,
sadness, sin, suffering, persecutions, toils of duty.
O healthful place where none are sick!
O happy lands where all are kings!
O holy assembly where all are priests!
How free a state where none are servants except to thee!
Bring me speedily to the land of joy.

imperishable and unfading

2009-12-15T23:34:00.000-08:00

No matter how much suffering or how many trials (big or small) we may endure on earth in our lifetimes, we may rest upon the hope that our inheritance is precisely all of these things stated in 1 Peter 1:3-5.

We will not lose our inheritance with the passage of time, evil cannot spoil it, its promise cannot fade nor fail, and it is eternally reserved and protected for us in Heaven. Peter wrote this knowing that his readers were undergoing severe persecution. If his readers during that time we perhaps meant to take courage and hope in this promise in the midst of difficulty, then we also may benefit in remembering the hope of our inheritance during life's difficult and trying moments. Take heart.

reserved

2009-12-15T23:20:00.000-08:00

You know that feeling of how nice it is when a friend unexpectedly saves you a seat?

How much better is this?...

----------------------------------------------------------

Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
who according to His great mercy has caused us to be born again
to a living hope
through the resurrection of Jesus Christ from the dead,
to obtain an inheritance
which is imperishable
and undefiled
and will not fade away,
reserved in heaven for you,
who are protected
by the power of God
through faith
for a salvation ready to be revealed in the last time.

[1 Peter 1:3-5]

----------------------------------------------

I have a place saved for me.

(blahhh! blogger got rid of my indentation formatting. well...you get the picture.)

Hospitality Tips

2009-12-09T14:44:00.000-08:00

I found this on a blog linked from Challies (link here) on some practical tips about hospitality. I liked many of these nuggets of advice.

-----------------------------------------------

1) Have people over to your house. Novel, I know. But, it’s where it all starts. If you don’t have people in your home regularly, you may be the most organized, hospitable person in the world and it will all be for naught.

2) Have people over frequently and on short notice. (I’m not too good at the short notice part). But, I do force myself to say yes as often as I can to a “short notice” opportunity. This is incredibly liberating. It will teach you that you can enjoy someone’s company even when there are dishes in the sink and dust on the mantle.

3) Don’t turn hospitality into “entertaining.” Entertaining is a code-word for showing-off. Perfectly clean house, perfectly prepared food, perfectly arranged decor becomes primary.

And at the center of it all is you, the entertainer. ”Look at all that I did and how wonderfully I did it. Admire my home, my food, my effort,” is the heart of the entertainer, as opposed to the one offering hospitality, who humbly shares all they have out of love for others and God.

4) Don’t let your home be so messy or dirty that it’s a distraction. This can be just as detrimental as the “entertainer” problem. As much as people may say it doesn’t matter, having a reasonably-ordered home does matter. It is uncomfortable to be in a pig sty.

5) Include your guests as part of your family. Invite them to participate in everything. If it’s your custom to sing and pray before dinner, fold them into that activity.

6) Let your guests give you a hand. If your guests ask if they can help with something, let your usual answer be, “Yes!” There are two reasons to do this: firstly, you probably could use the help, and, secondly, most people feel more comfortable when they’re useful.

7) Have saints and strangers over. The Bible is explicit that it’s very important to show hospitality to saints (Romans 12:13, 1 Peter 4:9), meaning fellow Christians, and to strangers (Hebrews 13:2). (Again, I’m bad at the stranger part. We’ve lived at our home for 4 years and only had strangers over a handful of times). This takes intentionality and effort.

8) Have large and intimate gatherings. Have 30 people over, then have 1.

9) Treat all your guests the same when it comes to the work you put into it. Don’t make everything extra nice for people with status that you admire or rich people and let things go for others. Do not show favoritism. Sometimes we do this without realizing it.

10) Be conversational! Talk! Share! Share more than just your food and home, share your very self. Offer your opinions and ask for other people’s. Give people a peek at your history and ask about theirs.

11) Invite unlikely and likely people over: the person who is alone or lonely; the person who has a special diet (I need to work on this..); the big family who feels like they put people at an imposition; loud people and quiet people; the person who seems to abound with friends and busy-ness (sometimes these people get overlooked because of these facts); the person who is always having people over to their house (they would probably be blessed by the offer).

12) Don’t be “hospitable” for worldly gain. If you’re having people over to sell them things or earn free gifts or garner status and connections with someone, it’s not hospitality. It’s not necessarily wrong to do, it’s just not hospitality.

There are many benefits to being hospitable: meeting neat people, making friends, deepening existing friendships. The list could go on. But even these benefits should not be our primary reason for being hospitable. We are hospitable because of duty (God commands it) and delight (his commands produce godliness and joy in us). We are hospitable because we genuinely care about others.

daily supply of grace

2009-12-07T13:38:00.001-08:00

“A man can no more take in a supply of grace for the future than he can eat enough for the next six months, or take sufficient air into his lungs at one time to sustain life for a week. We must draw upon God’s boundless store of grace from day to day as we need it.”

D.L. Moody

How lovely is your dwelling place...

2009-12-07T11:54:00.000-08:00

Life in my house has been a trial since I have moved home. While I am praying that the Lord would save my parents, my relationship with them is broken and I am constantly struggling to maintain and find joy in my home situation. I think I am beginning to pray and consider what I should do, but in the meantime I am reminded that one joy I can have is that the house I live in is not my home, but my true home is waiting for me in Heaven. I don't feel like I belong in my house... and in a way that's the way it should be. I have an eternal home waiting for me to return to and for now I am an alien and stranger temporarily placed here on earth to glorify the Lord with the life I have been given. Because life has been hard here in my earthly residence I feel even more poignantly how beautiful and sweet is the thought that my eternal dwelling place will be in the courts of the Lord. O for that day...

Psalm 84

1How lovely is your dwelling place,
O LORD of hosts!
2My soul longs, yes, faints
for the courts of the LORD;
my heart and flesh sing for joy
to the living God.

3 Even the sparrow finds a home,
and the swallow a nest for herself,
where she may lay her young,
at your altars, O LORD of hosts,
my King and my God.
4 Blessed are those who dwell in your house,
ever singing your praise! Selah

5Blessed are those whose strength is in you,
in whose heart are the highways to Zion.
6As they go through the Valley of Baca
they make it a place of springs;
the early rain also covers it with pools.
7 They go from strength to strength;
each one appears before God in Zion.

⁸O LORD God of hosts, hear my prayer;

give ear, O God of Jacob! Selah
⁹ Behold our shield, O God;
look on the face of your anointed!

¹⁰For a day in your courts is better
than a thousand elsewhere.
I would rather be a doorkeeper in the house of my God
than dwell in the tents of wickedness.
¹¹For the LORD God is a sun and shield;
the LORD bestows favor and honor.
No good thing does he withhold
from those who walk uprightly.
¹²O LORD of hosts,
blessed is the one who trusts in you!

recurring patterns

2009-12-01T23:54:00.001-08:00

So I was looking over my lists of posts, and from an outsider standpoint one might gather from 95% of my posts since I've graduated that my life has been mostly bumpy since I've moved home. And you would be mostly correct I suppose... It almost makes me laugh to look at how all my posts have held the same general unchanged sadness and trials.

So yes, though there are times of respite and rest, I think I have not cleared the storm. I am very much still in this season of trials. And that's okay really. Do I want these difficulties? Of course not. But can I forsee when I will reach the end? No, not really. Sometimes I feel like I am making progress and in the clear, only to be brought back to the same type of trial. I do believe that the Lord has more to teach me. So I submit myself to however long the Lord deems it good and worthy for me to suffer through trials in the hopes that I might be sanctified in the end. So in the meantime, there will probably be more posts with raw emotions, pensiveness, but hopefully with continued thankfulness woven throughout the trials. It was uplifting to go back and read some of the verses or things I quoted for my own encouragement. I need to go back to them often. Likely in future posts I will sound spiritually beat up. Well, it's because I am. But it's okay don't worry - I've got a Heavenly Father and Savior to depend on.

fighting for joy

2009-12-01T23:20:00.000-08:00

I feel like this part of my life is a test that I am failing. I know that true joy is not dependent on life's circumstances, yet I find that time and time again throughout this time of trial that I am surrendering my joy. It slips right through my fingers, and then I beat myself up over it. Honestly though, I have to be constantly aware that any strength is not my own. I live by grace alone. So maybe it takes being broken. Coming to the end of myself means coming to depend on Jesus alone.

It's just that...
it hurts so much sometimes. But I wonder which is worse - intensely overwhelming emotional pain, or a heart that is numbed and resigned? I think I have felt both and both are debilitating.

I just want joy.
In my Savior.
And I want the rest of my earthly troubles to pale.
But I'm weak and it's not possible for me to detach myself from trials caused by difficult people.

All I can do is turn to the Lord. And there is peace and grace to be had. Then another occasion will rise up where fears and trials overwhelm me in my weakness yet again. When that happens again, still I must just trust in the Lord. God is faithful. And abundant grace is dispensed when I need it, not before. I must walk by faith. Lord, please forgive my small faith and grow it.

---------------------------

My soul is weak
My heart is numb
I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
I’ll hold on tightly
You will never let me go
For Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
I'm clinging to the cross
Mercy’s found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus, You are all I need
I'm clinging to the cross

"...for it is not in me to direct my steps"

2009-12-01T17:18:00.000-08:00

When I feel overwhelmed by life I often find myself in the Psalms. The Valley of Vision is another place I turn to when I need encouragement or have not the words I need to pray. These short prayers are often a rich resource to remind me of my dependence on the Lord. I usually open to the table of contents and flip to one that catches my eye, and then I am reminded of how lacking my own prayers at times. Here is a good one I have just read from page 106:

O Thou that hearest prayer,
Teach me to pray.
I confess that in religious exercises
the language of my lips and the feelings of my heart
have not always agreed,
that I have frequently taken carelessly upon my tongue
a name never pronounced above without reverence and humility,
that I have often desired things which would have injured me,
that I have erred both on the side of my hopes and also of my fears,
that I am unfit to choose for myself,
for it is not in me to direct my steps.
Let thy Spirit help my infirmities,
for I know not what to pray as I ought.
Let him produce in me wise desires by which I may ask right things,
then I shall know Thou hearest me.
May I never be importunate for temporal blessings,
but always refer them to thy fatherly goodness,
for thou knowest what I need before I ask;
May I never think I prosper unless my soul prospers,
or that I am rich unless rich toward thee,
or that I am wise unless wise unto salvation.
May I seek first thy kingdom and its righteousness.
May I value things in relation to eternity.
May my spiritual welfare be my chief solicitude.
May I be poor, afflicted, despised, and have thy blessing,
rather than be successful in enterprise,
or have more than my heart can wish,
or be admired by my fellow-men,
if thereby these things make me forget thee.
May I regard the world as dreams, lies, vanities, vexation of spirit,
and desire to depart from it.
And may I seek my happiness in thy favor, image, presence, service.

nigthtime prayer

2009-11-27T01:36:00.000-08:00

Do you not remember, dear Estella, that the Lord speaks through Scripture? That though there is no voice that responds to your prayers, He is faithful to answer them according to His will? And even on the still, dark nights, His presence remains by your side and is your Guide and Comforter?

Sometimes it's hard to remember. Grace overflows so abundantly in my life, and yet at times I am still momentarily blinded by momentary troubles. Keep my heart steady upon Thee Lord. Hold my hand through these times my Father. I need You greatly for every day of my life.

Thank You for brokenness that reminds me of how much I need You and how much I have in You.
Thank You for being a God who is compassionate and merciful, who cares for all my needs great...and small.
Thank You for being a God that I can wholly cry unto.
Thank You for your patience, for supplying grace for my abundant weaknesses.
Thank You for choosing to love me when I do not deserve the slightest affection.
Thank You that you chose to grant me salvation and adopt me even though you know deepest darkness of my heart.
Thank You that you are a God who understands my pains and gives me peace and hope eternal.
Thank You for listening.
Thank You that you know every tear and every sadness.
Thank you that I know that everything will be okay, because You care for me.

Though troubles abide, thank You for divine peace that surpasses understanding.
Thank You that your truths and promises are a salve unto my soul.

I think I can rest sweetly with these thoughts now.

(J. R. Miller, "The Lesson of Love" 1903)

2009-11-14T14:33:00.001-08:00

We often think we could do better--if we were directing the affairs of our own lives. We think we could get more happiness and greater good out of life--if things were in our hands. We would at once eliminate all that is painful and unpleasant in our lot. We would have only prosperities, with no adversities; only joys, with no sorrows. We would exclude all pain and trouble from our life. Our days would all be sunny, with blue skies--and no clouds or storms. Our paths would all be soft and easy, and strewn with flowers--without thorns or any rough places. Would we not be happier--if we could direct our own affairs, and leave out the painful, the bitter, the adverse, and the sorrowful?

So most of us would probably say at first, before we have thought of the question deeply and looked on to the end. But really the greatest misfortune that could come to us in this world--would be to have the direction of the affairs, and the shaping of the experiences of our lives, put into our own hands!

We have no wisdom to know what is best for ourselves. Today is not all of life--there is a long future, perhaps many years in this world, and then immortality hereafter. What would give us greatest pleasure today--might work us harm in days to come. Present gratification might cost us untold loss and hurt in the future.

We want pleasure, plenty, and prosperity--but perhaps we need pain, self-denial, and the giving up of things that we greatly prize.

We shrink from suffering, from sacrifice, from struggle--but perhaps these are the very experiences which will do the most good for us, which will best mature our Christian graces, which will fit us for the largest service to God and man.

We should always remember that the object of living here, is not merely to have present comfort, to get along with the least trouble, to gather the most we can of the world's treasures, to win the brightest fame. We are here to grow into the beauty of Christ, and to do the portion of God's will that belongs to us!

There is something wonderfully inspiring in the thought, that God has a plan and a purpose for our lives, for each life. We do not come drifting into this world--and do not drift through it like waves on the ocean. We are sent from God, each one of us with a divine plan for his life--something God wants us to do, some place He wants us to fill. All through our lives we are in the hands of God, who chooses our place and orders our circumstances, and makes all things work together for our good--and His glory.

It is the highest honor that could be conferred upon us, to occupy such a place in the thought of God. We cannot doubt that His way for us is better than ours, since He is infinitely wiser than we are, and loves us so. It may be painful and hard--but in the pain and the hardness, there is blessing.

Of course we may not know all the reasons there are in the divine mind, for the pains and sufferings that come into our lives, or what God's design for us in these trials is. Yet without discovering any reasons at all, however, we may still trust God, who loves us with an infinite love--and whose wisdom also is infinite!

When we get to heaven, we shall know that God has made no mistake in anything He has done for us, however He may have broken into our plans--and spoiled our pleasant dreams!

It should be reason for measureless gratitude, that our lives are not in our own poor feeble hands--but in the hands of our infinitely wise and loving Father!

"My times are in Your hands!" Psalm 31:15

one day joy unmixed

2009-11-14T13:50:00.000-08:00

In my family, I live in a performance based system where there is little mercy for faults and much criticisms for perceived shortcomings. Growing up I found that it was only too easy to give in to this way of thinking and to feel pressured to have to perform to some standard set by my parents only to grieve when no matter what I did there always seemed to be something else wrong with me. There was always something in my life to criticize and always something that fell short.

Before I get too far, please don't think that this is the beginnings of a pity-party post. Because the thing is, in reality I do fall short. As a sinner, I do fall short of a very real and genuine standard of holiness. While parents' standards sought ot manipulate me to live my life a certain way, before my God and Creator there is a very real and very just judgment that I deserved. I deserved hell.

There is one magnificent difference that I am compelled to highlight. In my parents' eyes there is no forgiveness for flaws, but for reasons I'll never fully comprehend have a Heavenly Father who has forgiven me of every sin. Where there is no mercy at home, there is abundant, overflowing, undeserved grace and mercy from my God who justly could have punished me for my sin but instead as my Savior took that punishment on the cross. In my home there is often grief and sorrow over these trials I face, but I have a living hope that I have a Home, an inheritance waiting for me as a child of God, imperishable and unfading. While I feel rejected by the standards of my parents, I have the undeserved love of Christ bestowed on me. There is nothing I could do to earn Christ's love, and there is nothing I could do to lose it.

Can I say that again? There is NOTHING I could do to EARN Christ's love, and NOTHING I could do to LOSE it. Why was I chosen as such an unworthy recipient of so much grace and love? I really couldn't tell you. The gospel is a precise opposite picture of my life at home. Because of the gospel, my tears of sorrow and grief are mixed in with tears of joy and hope. Isn't it funny how those two intense emotions can exist at once within me? Someday the sorrow will go away, and the joy will be unmixed. But I rejoice today that even for now I can have joy thanks to the immense grace in my life.

intercession of our Savior

2009-11-11T23:59:00.000-08:00

Isn't it wonderful to know that Christ intercedes and prays for us believers? And that the Spirit intercedes for those things that trouble and pain us? It is encouraging to know I am being prayed for; I feel less on my own to figure out this thing called my life. The Savior's prayers for us certainly get answered; what a wonderful hope and confidence to have those prayers for me. Thank You.

John 17:22-26 - " “The glory which You have given Me I have given to them, that they may be one, just as We are one; I in them and You in Me, that they may be perfected in unity, so that the world may know that You sent Me, and loved them, even as You have loved Me. “Father, I desire that they also, whom You have given Me, be with Me where I am, so that they may see My glory which You have given Me, for You loved Me before the foundation of the world. “O righteous Father, although the world has not known You, yet I have known You; and these have known that You sent Me; and I have made Your name known to them, and will make it known, so that the love with which You loved Me may be in them, and I in them.”"

Romans 8:26-34 - " In the same way the Spirit also helps our weakness; for we do not know how to pray as we should, but the Spirit Himself intercedes for us with groanings too deep for words; and He who searches the hearts knows what the mind of the Spirit is, because He intercedes for the saints according to the will of God. And we know that God causes all things to work together for good to those who love God, to those who are called according to His purpose. For those whom He foreknew, He also predestined to become conformed to the image of His Son, so that He would be the firstborn among many brethren; and these whom He predestined, He also called; and these whom He called, He also justified; and these whom He justified, He also glorified. What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who is against us? He who did not spare His own Son, but delivered Him over for us all, how will He not also with Him freely give us all things? Who will bring a charge against God’s elect? God is the one who justifies; who is the one who condemns? Christ Jesus is He who died, yes, rather who was raised, who is at the right hand of God, who also intercedes for us."

purpose

2009-11-10T23:57:00.000-08:00

something cool from Job tonight:

"“God thunders with His voice wondrously,
Doing great things which we cannot comprehend.
“For to the snow He says, ‘Fall on the earth,’
And to the downpour and the rain, ‘Be strong.’
“He seals the hand of every man,
That all men may know His work.
“Then the beast goes into its lair
And remains in its den.
“Out of the south comes the storm,
And out of the north the cold.
“From the breath of God ice is made,
And the expanse of the waters is frozen.
“Also with moisture He loads the thick cloud;
He disperses the cloud of His lightning.
“It changes direction, turning around by His guidance,
That it may do whatever He commands it
On the face of the inhabited earth.
“Whether for correction, or for His world,
Or for lovingkindness, He causes it to happen."

~Job 37:5-13 -(emphasis added)

in a dusty corner

2009-10-28T20:32:00.000-07:00

"Somehow I was letting what I was doing for God give me purpose, instead of simply being His child. I must have believed that by doing more, I could prove my love to God, earn His love and feel good about myself. The problem is, the older you get and the more your faith matures, the more you realize you're not a super hero or a super Christian, but just a big, worthless windbag of sin. And what pierces you is not the shame of it all, but the truth that even with all that wind, there's nothing you can do to further fan the flame of Christ's incredible and passionate love for you...But my worth came from the price Jesus paid to reconcile me to Himself. There was nothing I could do to render myself more or less valuable to Him."
http://www.boundlessline.org/2009/10/the-value-of-rest.html

--------------------------------

Interesting. I had been thinking along similar lines recently, so I always find it funny to hear/read things at just the times I need them.

In this post-college life I live now, I pretty much transitioned out of all the ministry I had been committed to and poured my heart into while at school. I have to start from scratch, but as months go by I often wonder what direction I am going in. Am I going anywhere? Am I accomplishing anything for His kingdom? For now I often feel as if I have sparse close connections so I wonder if I am an encouragement to anybody at all. Or am I being used to impact or touch the life of anyone around me? To these ponderings I mostly lack any definitive answers because I feel very limited; I often feel as if I am not doing much in my daily life right now. I fear for the days and weeks of my life being wasted. Floundering. That would be the word. Like the above quote says, I feel like I am just a worthless windbag of sin. Or perhaps, these past few months I have felt like a faulty vessel that's had not much to do but to sit quietly in a dusty corner waiting to find some good use for which I can be applied.

In the end, the only conclusion I could come up with, and the only one I need for the present moment, is the joy-infusing reminder that my worth is found in Christ. The life that Christ lived and His work was applied to me at the cross, and I stand justified as if it was I who lived His perfect, sinless life. Because of Christ, there is nothing I could do better or worse to change my value in my Father's eyes. Do I need to say more? I could go on and on about the the awe-someness of my Lord's unconditional and undeserving love for me. Perhaps it is my pride and discontentment that makes me feel like I need to do more, to be "more faithful". May I remember that it is first enough to just be considered a child of God, loved and chosen by a heavenly Father. Knowing that my worth is unshakable because it is found in Christ alone should actually be the driving force for me to strive to just be faithful with whatever it is I have in my day. To be faithful in each thing large or small, even if I feel weak and my day feels like a meager, unworthy offering to my Lord. There are tons of Scripture verses, characters. stories drifting around in my head somewhere to support these wonderful truths about our worth in Christ, but I am a bit tired and also tired of writing for the moment. If anyone wants to send me any good ones you can think of pertaining to these thoughts I would always be mucho appreciative.

--------------------

"Clinging to the Cross"

(I personally like the bethany Dillon & Matt Hammitt version. Tim Hughes also sings it. (Thanks Angela.))

My soul is weak
My heart is numb
I cannot see
But still my hope is found in You
Ill hold on tightly
You will never let me go
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercys found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus, You are all I need
Clinging to the cross

Even darkness is as light to You, my Lord
So light the way and lead me home
To that place where every tear is wiped away
For Jesus, You will never fail
Jesus, You will never fail

Simply to the cross I cling
Letting go of all earthly things
Clinging to the cross
Mercys found a way for me
Hope is here as I am free
Jesus, You are all I need
Clinging to the cross

What a Saviour, what a story
You were crucified but now You are alive
So amazing, such a mystery
You were crucified but now You are alive

sometimes

2009-10-28T00:59:00.000-07:00

Sometimes it's just harder to weather the small storms in life. Things that would not faze me before are now sometimes unexpectedly difficult. Well...I guess if you felt beat up that would be expected at times yah? What is there to do? Well...I don't really know. I guess this is the only thing that comes to mind at the moment:

Blessed Be Your name
When I'm found in the desert place
Though I walk through the wilderness
Blessed Be Your name

Blessed be Your name
On the road marked with suffering
Though there's pain in the offering
Blessed be Your name

Yeah...that's good for now.

rest and refreshment

2009-10-11T22:59:00.001-07:00

This weekend was a much needed refreshment to my soul. Thank you Lord for answering prayers and growing my trust in You during this time.

Another answered prayer, I received a job offer at Genentech. =) It's a 6-month contract only, but it's a big step in the right direction...I'll worry about what happens after 6 months when it's 6 months from now. So I start in 2 weeks! It's more of an entry-level position I believe, but I am so thankful because it answered a lot of prayers because it's closer to home, and hey it's Genentech! I will be working for Genentech Access Solutions. I'm praying for my transition to new work in about 2 weeks, that I will continue to work hard unto the Lord in a new work environment, and find new opportunities to continue being a testimony in the workplace. I also pray I don't mess things up! And I pray that the Lord will provide opportunities to look for things internally in Genentech for 6 months from now, and that the Lord would continue to provide when that time comes.

Praise God!

It's funny...there's supposed to be a lot of rain this Monday and Tuesday, but despite the gloomy weather things are looking up. Tough times may come again, but I was reminded in service today of the blessing we have in the Holy Spirit who indwells the heart of every believer and is there to comfort and understands our innermost thoughts. He intercedes for us continually and gets our prayers answered. What an encouragment.

should i start keeping tally

2009-10-09T11:13:00.000-07:00

Day 3. This time mornings are fair game too. I guess any time that I don't have something to distract me from myself. Driving to work and home from work are included too. What is wrong with me? I can't do this by myself, but I feel as if I have no choice right now. Please Lord help me. I know that I'm never completely left to myself, but it's still painful. Can I just say that it kinda sucks right now? Ah, that felt kinda good...better than just distracting myself and pretending that everything is okay. I don't know what I'm supposed to do.

Keep praying Estella. Keep praying.

The Lord knows my every trial, every tear. Some Day life will no longer contain hurt. I look forward to that day. Until then...looking for the joy that can be had even now.

Keep praying Estella.

Still hopeful that day 4 can be a better day. Or at least, I'm sure there can be sunny skies next week. Just have to pray for patience and wait for the rain to stop. Just wish I didn't have to wait for the rain by myself.

teammates

2009-10-09T02:05:00.000-07:00

It's funny...

Concerning feeding and reminding myself of truth, knowing something yourself and telling it to yourself is sometimes different than having someone else tell you. I can remind myself of God's character, His faithfulness, His promises, of my need to trust in Him. I can look up verses on my own that I already know contain the truth that I need to hear and focus my heart upon.

But when someone else reminds you that amidst the storms in life that God is the same and cares for every small thing in my life, or reminds me of Psalm 34 ("Taste and see that the Lord is good..."), or Psalm 73 ("Whom have I in Heaven but You?") - it just contains so much more potential than me reminding myself of those truths.

That is how encouragement works, doesn't it?

To have a fellow brother or sister in Christ encourage you with a reminder of truth or a verse is like having someone on your team cheering for you to keep going and not give up. Actually, maybe it's even more than that. Encouragement is not just like a teammate cheering you on, but is there right alongside you running and competing together. This is part of the function of the body of Christ.

I realize why this time has been so difficult. I feel like I have been running by myself. Not by choice...but a lot of times it feels like I've lost all my teammates. I think I can fake running on my own for a period of time and everything seems to be going okay, but if I just keep running on my own then there are moments when I "cramp up" and everything falls apart because I don't have teammates to encourage me and to bear the burden together.

I have a call to be an encouragement to others in turn, but I don't even know how I'm doing with that. I feel like there are very few close to me anymore, so I hope I don't forget that I am supposed to seek ways to encourage others as well.

Lord, I can't run by myself anymore. Help me to keep trusting in You for every difficult moment.

It's day 2 of emotional breakdown week. But Lord thank you for sending unexpected encouragement from afar. But...the Word does soothe and heal. I think I should be able to sleep peacefully tonight. Difficult nights will come again...but in the end I know God is faithful to see me through.

"Whom have I in heaven but You?
And besides You, I desire nothing on earth.
My flesh and my heart may fail,
But God is the strength of my heart and my portion forever."
Psalm 73:25-ff

The steadfast love of the LORD never ceases;
his mercies never come to an end;
they are new every morning;
great is your faithfulness.
"The LORD is my portion," says my soul,
"therefore I will hope in him."
Lam. 3:22-24

clouds

2009-10-09T00:36:00.001-07:00

I never lived in a place with drastic seasons. I'm sure it must be beautiful.

Winter is coming. What am I talking about...fall just started. Sometimes the skies are blue. Sometimes they're grey. Is it spelled grey or gray? I think I like 'grey'. I don't like grey clouds though.

It's no accident that God created spring to come after winter. It's not winter yet, but I'm wishing for some springtime already.

Oh convoluted metaphorical thoughts...this is what happens when I'm pensive and it's night time. Praying for blue skies next week. This week will come and go and be over soon hopefully. In the meantime I am hoping to be rooted in the promises of God and His faithfulness in every season of life.

---------------
"Bring the Rain" ~ MercyMe

I can count a million times
People asking me how I
Can praise You with all that
I've gone through
The question just amazes me
Can circumstances possibly
Change who I forever am in You

Maybe since my life was changed
Long before these rainy days
It's never really ever crossed my mind
To turn my back on you, oh Lord
My only shelter from the storm
But instead I draw closer through these times
So I pray

Bring me joy, bring me peace
Bring the chance to be free
Bring me anything that brings
You glory And I know there'll
be days When this life brings me pain
But if that's what it takes to
praise You Jesus, bring the rain

I am yours regardless of the clouds that may
loom above because you are much greater than
my pain you who made a way for me suffering
your destiny so tell me whats a little rain

my glorious hope

2009-10-08T03:35:00.000-07:00

I like this song and remember singing it maybe once or twice at GOC. I have it on my itunes on my old laptop somewhere, but unfortunately I haven't dug it up yet. I especially like part of the chorus. Boy, time to sleep now. Goodnight.

Jesus You’re my glorious hope; Ever faithful to Your own.

You have filled my nights with Your sweet song of grace.

Jesus, You’re my glorious hope.

"My Glorious Hope" (Sovereign Grace Music)

Though waves of troubles come
And pour in like a flood
My soul will not despair
Within Your sovereign arms
No valley is too dark
To keep me from Your care
Your presence and Your promises
Are joy and life to me

Jesus You’re my glorious hope
Ever faithful to Your own
You have filled my nights
With Your sweet song of grace
Jesus You’re my glorious hope
My glorious hope

When condemnations rise
When failures fill my eyes
Remind me once again
That my sufficiency
Is found upon the tree
That bought my righteousness
The depth of Your unchanging love
Displayed on Calvary

And Jesus every trial only proves
You’re worthy of all the trust I’ve placed in You
My glorious hope

o for that day...

2009-09-27T16:29:00.000-07:00

“Jesus Christ is not merely the means of our rescue from damnation; he is the goal of our salvation. If he is not satisfying to be with, there is no salvation.

He is not merely the rope that pulls us from the threatening waves; he is the solid beach under our feet, the air in our lungs, and the beat of our heart, and the warm sun on our skin, and the song in our ears, and the arms of our beloved.”

- John Piper, Taste and See, 406

Joy and Happiness

2009-09-12T02:18:00.000-07:00

Another tidbit pulled from GirlTalk archives from D. Martyn Lloyd Jones:

“There is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and feeling happy. The Scripture tells us that we should always rejoice [Phil. 4:4]....To rejoice is a command, yes, but there is all the difference in the world between rejoicing and being happy. You cannot make yourself happy, but you can make yourself rejoice, in the sense that you will always rejoice in the Lord. Happiness is something within ourselves, rejoicing is ‘in the Lord.’ Take the fourth chapter of the Second Epistle to the Corinthians. There you will find that the great Apostle puts it all very plainly and clearly in that series of extraordinary contrasts which he makes: ‘We are troubled on every side (I don’t think he felt very happy at the moment) yet not distressed’, ‘we are perplexed (he wasn’t feeling happy at all at that point) but not in despair’, ‘persecuted but not forsaken’, ‘cast down, but not destroyed’--and so on. In other words the Apostle does not suggest a kind of happy person in a carnal sense, but he was still rejoicing."

GT: "Our feelings and emotions may fluctuate, but the eternal God never changes, and we can rejoice in Him, no matter what..."

Many a doubt

2009-09-12T01:59:00.000-07:00

a poem I found on GirlTalk:

“Many a questioning, many a fear,
Many a doubt, hath its quieting here.
Moment by moment, let down from Heaven,
Time, opportunity, guidance, are given.
Fear not tomorrows, Child of the King,
Trust them with Jesus, DO THE NEXT THING.

Do it immediately; do it with prayer;
Do it reliantly, casting all care;
Do it with reverence, tracing His Hand
Who placed it before thee with earnest command.
Stayed on Omnipotence, safe ‘neath His wing,
Leave all resultings, DO THE NEXT THING.

Living by grace 24/7

2009-09-11T23:44:00.000-07:00

Some moments are wearier than others. Some moments come unexpectedly as a domino effect of things from throughout the week. Some moments are simply because it's 28 days later and it's time to take responsibility and pray for grace for the extra temptations that come when it's time to be chemically imbalanced - again. (This applies only to a lucky 50% of the population.)

Regardless of what my days are like, I am becoming more and more aware that it is truly and singly only the grace of God that is holding me up in every moment of my life. Sometimes it feels that it is all I have. And thankfully, grace is actually the one thing that I need most.

Have I mentioned? I feel lost. I'm not sure what other word to use. It's like when you're a kid barely tall enough to see over the counter and you're lost in a shopping mall full of people but you panic because you realize you are absolutely alone and for the moment abandoned in a crowd of shopping bags. But I am not lost. Thankfully I have Christ. And abundant overflowing grace.

Still...there are 3 things I think I need when combating this time of transition and loneliness:

1. To be more deeply rooted in Truth of Scripture. To dwell on it and have it in my arsenal in time of need to combat my ungodly thinking.
2. To pray. For everything. Everything I am thankful for, and whatever is going on in life.
3. To pray for fellowship. And friends. (of the brother-and-sister-in-Christ type which I rly rly need here at home)

2009-09-08T23:04:00.000-07:00

Some days more than others it becomes poignantly obvious why I am so so blessed to have a Heavenly Father. A Shepherd whose staff both guides and comforts me. Oh how marvelous to be a child of God...especially on days that are tough. Things are not as they should be. I am now not what I ought to be; but one day...oh one day... Christ will make things as they ought to be. Until then, I pray to wait patiently and with joy, to forebear the small trials of everyday life. And to make the most of this time I have to live for Christ on this earth. How I horribly mess this up from time to time...but praise God for the grace that forgives my sins and mistakes. Did I mention how wonderful it is to have a Savior and Father who loves me as I am; loves me enough to forgive my sin? Thank you Lord.

being sober about sin

2009-09-06T23:52:00.000-07:00

"Be killing sin or it will be killing you." - (from John Owen)

While walking by the Spirit, God has used His Word to grow my discernment and integrity by shaping in me a biblical worldview by which I am able to navigate this fallen world. Since sanctification is a continual process, I can attest that biblical convictions I have now weren't convictions that I have always had.

A fellow believer I know is facing a decision that requires them to exercise biblical discernment. To me the issue is black and white...a matter of doing the right thing to honor God and humbly facing the consequences that might occur for being righteous; or alternatively, doing what would be wrong but would cause less earthly trouble and thereby dishonoring God. This person is a younger believer and I sympathize with the fact that the process of developing discernment is not overnight. They face a clear, but nevertheless tough, decision. My prayer is that through this the Lord would grant them the integrity to hold fast to the commands of Scripture.

The challenge this person is facing reminds me of how sin is NEVER to be taken lightly. We cannot deceive ourselves to thinking that small sins or no big deal or that they won't affect us. Take heed lest you fall! (c.f. 1 Cor 10:12) The sin we may believe is no big deal is the sin that Christ went to the cross and died for. How can we play with this sin in our lives?

Even in my concern for this fellow believer, I am automatically drawn to my own life and reminders I need to heed. For me this particular issue stands black and white without question, but what are other sins that I tolerate and take lightly in my life? There are a countless number of other "respectable" sins (if I may use Jerry Bridges term) that I commit almost without a second thought. Impatience, discontentment/grumbling, lack of joy, a lack of trust in God, selfishness, pride...I could go on and on. How am I working to take these sins in m own life seriously and set about asking God for the grace and discipline to continually put these sins to death in my life so that I may more fully honor Him with my life? I do not despair about how much corruption remains in my life though because the fact is that Christ has already died for each and every one of my sins. What a precious reminder that is to motivate us in our war against sin.

Summer ministry! cbm camp

2009-07-30T13:07:00.001-07:00

Talking to DD a couple weeks ago, besides missing a few of my closest sistersin+, we both realized that we REALLY miss doing ministry in the summer. We both realized how much we miss our small groups and getting to meet up and disciple younger women. *sigh*

Well, next week I'll get another crack at it! I'll be heading up north to Mt.Hope Bible Camp to counsel for our annual high school CBM bible camp. A little bit of background, cbm camp is where I first heard the gospel in junior high and where I believe I committed my life to Christ. I'm an 8-year cbm attender, and I've counseled one year for jr high camp. The past few years I've given up camp and devoted myself to short-term ministry trips to Hamadera Bible Church in Japan. But this year I get to do both!

I'll be gone for one week...please pray for me and my campers since this is the first time I'll be counseling highschoolers I remember high school...and I remember what I was like in high school! It's a whole 'nother ball game. The range of spiritual maturity in high schoolers can be really broad, so who knows who the Lord will bring into my care. I'll have five campers this week...which is answered prayer because at the beginning of summer we were short counselors and each girl counselor was going to have ~8 campers. God answered prayer and halved that number and most of us counselors have around 4. Phew...more time to pour into each individual girl. I took a peek at the list, and unless things change, I think I'll have 2 seniors, a junior, and a sophomore. I'm super excited!

lessons

2009-07-29T00:42:00.000-07:00

I've been clearing out my bookshelf to make room for my books...how I miss my Christian classics. Anywho, it's been interesting to stumble upon old high school stuff. I've got a lot of binders of paperwork that remind me how much I used to study in high school. I definitely had a broader and more comprehensive grasp on a variety of subjects than when I came to UCLA and became a science major.

I almost wish I remembered stuff about US history, or what the literary difference between metonymy and synecdoche is. Emphasis on almost. I do wish that my writing ability had not decreased, but that is the fate that awaits most South Campus majors. If I were to go back and take a full round of AP tests again, I'm not confident that I could have done as well. Well, this is just my pride reliving long-past "glory" days. (Insert *sigh* here.)

Reflecting on my high school days, I admit I do feel that I used to be a lot smarter in some ways. Looking back at my four years at UCLA, I'm not sure if I picked up as much intellectual/academic knowledge as I used to in high school. One thing I do know is that in the time I had at UCLA I was able to pursue something a lot more important. What I lacked in my academic lessons on campus I gained in solid biblical wisdom instead.

Upon entering UCLA, I soon learned that my excitement came not from scoring the A's in Ichthyology or Chinese 4. Instead, I got excited about things like learning how to exegete and apply Ephesians and Philippians to my life, seeing God's plan for global missions, and watching God grow me and my small groups. It was within the white walls of the Crossroads gym and in the front rows of morning and evening services at Grace Community Church that the Lord fed the hunger of my mind and heart. I flourished not in the classroom of chem labs or life science discussions, but in the classroom of godly families and married couples at church. They have been a gift to me, and it was in their living rooms that my mind grew and learned the things I needed for a life that honors God.

All in all...I think I got a pretty good deal out of my college education. I may not feel smarter, but I hope I am wiser.

promises of God

2009-07-23T01:15:00.000-07:00

I remember my SGL soph year telling me that when she gets really bummed she makes a list reminding herself of God and all of His promises. And she was bummed that day, and so that is what we did together. I find that when I am bummed, often reminding myself of God's promises, or even of just who God is, is just the kind of comfort that I need in times of sorrow or weakness.

If you see the last post, I had been pretty sad this weekend. Maybe being hormonally imbalanced this week made me cry a little more than I normally would, but I think it was really difficult feeling like I was "on my own." After I cried and cried, prayed, read Scripture, cried some more...eventually I felt better. I feel a whole lot better now. Not saying that tough moments might not come back. But I feel totally fine now. In fact, I almost feel a little bit silly admitting how broken up I was to think about how far away my friends are. Why was I so weepy? I was reading in Job last night, and thinking upon the nature of trials. Though not a huge life-changing trial...this was definitely emotionally trying for me. And as I'm reading through Job, I am reminded that trials aren't always given an explanation or a reason. So I don't really know why thsi weekend was so emotional for me. But what I do know is that this trial served to bring me closer to the God that I trust in, the God that I love. So there lies the reason in this case...God used this trial to again show me what a compassionate Heavenly Father I have. He is my Comforter when there is lack of earthly comforts. He is good. All the time.

-------------------------------

There are times I often like to turn to The Valley of Vision - here are some parts that encouraged me recently:

"Weaknesses":
O SPIRIT OF GOD
Help my infirmities;
When I am pressed down with a load of sorrow,
perplexed and knowing not what to do,
slandered and persecuted,
made to feel the weight of the cross,
help me, I pray thee.
If thou seest in me any wrong thing encouraged,
any evil desire cherished,
any delight that is not thy delight,
any habit that grieves thee,
any nest of sin in my heart
then grant me thy kiss of forgiveness,
and teach my feet to talk in the way of thy commandments...

"Comforts":
GIVER OF ALL GOOD,
Streams upon streams of love overflow my path.
Thou hast made me out of nothing,
hast recalled me from a far country,
hast translate me from ignorance to knowledge,
from darkness to light,
from death to life,
from misery to peace,
from folly to wisdom,
from error to truth,
from sin to victory.
Thanks be to thee for my high and holy calling.
I bless thee for ministering angels,
for the comfort of thy Word,
for the ordinances of thy church,
for the teaching or thy Spirit,
for thy holy sacraments,
for the communion of the saints,
for Christian fellowship...
I draw near to thee, knowing thou wilt draw near to me.
I ask of thee, believing that thou hast already given.
I entrust myself to thee, for thou hast redeemed me.
I bless and adore thee, the eternal God,
for the comforts of these thoughts,
the joy of these hopes.

2009-07-20T20:25:00.000-07:00

I really miss my friends. Really really. I've been home in Norcal for less than 2 weeks I think - 1 week and 3 days. I don't really know what's wrong with me, but I guess I feel homesick. Homesick for what I'm not sure. But I know I just really really miss my friends. I miss being able to have fellowship constantly day or night. Late night convos with my roomie while we lie on our beds and she flosses, talking about life, or random weird things. I miss talks with my best and closest friends. Encouraging and being encouraged. Challenging one another. Praying with and praying for each other. I miss my small group. All my small groups. I miss having B.Ayres to run to when life is confusing. I miss her two little boys. I miss Grace Church. I miss GOC and the staff.

Life feels sad right now. But God is still good. Many quiet moments to myself, and a small voice in the back of my mind reminds me I always have much to be thankful for. God is good. So...while I am missing all these things, in the meantime I will continue to trust and depend on the Lord. Trust in God and wait for things to get... better? ...or easier? something.

----------------------------------

‘The very existence of the church as a body of believers is due to this necessity of our nature, which demands opportunity for the interchange of Christian sentiment. The deeper the feeling, the greater is the joy of sharing it with another. There is a strange felicity, a wondrous enchantment, which comes from true intimacy of heart, and close communion of soul, and the result is more than mere fleeting joy. When it is shared in the deepest thoughts and highest aspirations, when it is built on a common faith, and lives by a common hope, it brings perfect peace. No friendship has done its work until it reaches the supremest satisfaction of spiritual communion." - from Challies

HOME!

2009-07-09T13:45:00.000-07:00

Sorry, I know there was a gap in updates, but I am home from Japan! Some final thoughts and reflections will come soon. Probably not as soon as you think though! Stay tuned.

Man I miss Japan already!

our last remaining days in osaka!

2009-07-06T01:55:00.000-07:00

Hi all,

Busy weekend; praise God for the the things He has done. We're leaving tomorrow from Japan already! What a bittersweet farewell. No time for an update just yet, but please pray for our safe trip home. I'll try to send an update about the weekend when I'm back in the States. Or a summary post-trip letter or some sort. Thank you all for praying throughout our trip and partnering with us in our ministry at Hamadera in Japan.

Monday June 29, 2009 7:54 PM

2009-06-29T03:54:00.000-07:00

It seems like I’ve been having a lot of updates to keep getting too each day, and it probably seems like a lot for you all to read, but this update I’m writing is especially awesome! I’m going to be talking about Sunday and our whole day filled with opportunities to share with college students. By way of reminder, Sunday was the day we were inviting different college and high school students to come join us for church on Sunday, then lunch, some English games/activities, and dinner. Thank you for your prayers and praise the Lord because we had a great turnout.

I wasn’t sure if anyone was going to join us for Sunday service, but just after the sermon started Hitomi, one of the girls from Osaka Christian College that we had made good friends with last year, came with two of her friends Tomo and Nana. Okada Sensei preached on the Rich Young Ruler from the book of Mark, so I’m glad they were there to hear it. After the message we were joined by Takako (one of Aaron’s English students that we had had dinner with) and her friend Nina (both high schoolers). We took these five girls along with some of the Japanese Hamadera staff to the park for a photo scavenger hunt. After we came back from the park, a whole lot of OPU students joined us for games and dinner. After dinner Nate and Deborah shared their testimonies, and I was encouraged that they were able to share not only parts of the gospel, but also the important concept that what we believe as Christians must result in a life transformation, not merely just a belief system.

After their testimonies, Okada Sensei addressed the students in Japanese, so while I didn’t get all of it, he told us later that he explained to the students our purpose for coming to America. He said to the students that while he knows that Japanese people grow up not really thinking about religion or about deeper spiritual issues, because these things are so important to think about he encouraged the Japanese to consider their lives and to not waste the opportunity they have to ask us questions about what it is we believe and why it is so important to us that we would come here to Japan. Whatever it was he said, the Lord really used it to open up opportunities, and afterward the students did seem really open to listen, answer our questions, and ask their own questions. So what follows is a summary of specific conversations that our team had with specific students. Feel free to pick a few to read and pray for, or read all of them and marvel at how amazing god is for opening up these opportunities in ways that we have not yet had before on previous trips.

Shota: Nate shared the gospel with him. Shota seems to understand that he has sin and probably wouldn’t go to Heaven, but at the same time it’s unclear if he actually believes in Heaven or Hell and overall he doesn’t seem to think it’s important to think about it. Pray for him to seriously consider his life and what happens at the end of it.

Miki: Amanda shared with Miki, but her English didn’t seem that good so it was hard to tell if she really understood the gospel because there was not much of a response. The good thing is that two of the Japanese staff were able to come over and help translate the gospel as Amanda illustrated it.

Ayaka: Linda shared with her, but most of the gospel points seemed very new to her; especially the concept of sin. Ayaka was willing to stay longer to listen though, so PTL for that. Pray for the wisdom to know how to best lay the foundation for her in a way that is simpler but able to help her understand the whole gospel. She lives somewhat close to HBC, so pray that she would be willing to come out to church and perhaps build a relationship with the Japanese staff since her English is not as good.

Kou: Collin shared with Kou, one of the students that the guys got to share with at OPU last year. Collin encouraged him to start thinking about important spiritual matters since he had not grown up with any kind of religion. Kou seemed to affirm Christian morals, but is hesitant to commit himself to any system of belief. It is a common notion in Japan that religion is seen as a sort of fanaticism, and he said it is difficult for him because Japanese aren’t taught to think about religion. Please pray for the Lord to work past these excuses and barriers and help him to understand the gospel and be willing to commit his life to Christ.

Yuusuke: Dan shared with Yuusuke, and Deborah was able to share with him and give him a Bible last year near the end of the trip. He said he has considered things a little because he is interested in learning about other people’s beliefs, but hasn’t read that much out of his bible. Unlike some of the other students, he seems more open to thinking critically about these things, and he recognizes that most Japanese go to temples and shrines to pray but they don’t know anything about the religion and what its beliefs are. They were able to have a discussion on what God’s standard is, and he has some ideas about Heaven and Hell that aren’t really correct, but it’s encouraging that he is at least making an effort to consider things with eternal weight. He also concedes that it’s easy for other concerns in this life to distract him from thinking about what comes after this life. Pray for him to consider reading his bible and to consider what he is basing his beliefs on, and that the Lord would remove the distractions that blind his eyes from the truth of the gospel.

Akira/”Skywalker”: Chris shared with “Skywalker” and learned that he had spent some time living in Cambridge and had attended come kind of church there. Skywalker, like Yuusuke, seems to think more deeply than the average student we have encountered, but still not enough to really make any decisions. He knew about Jesus’ death but not the reason why He died. Chris was able to share about the substitution Christ made for our sin, and while Skywalker understood, he could not see how one man could die for another. Please pray for his understanding of the gospel and to think past this present life .

Tomo and Hitomi: Deborah and I were able to share with these two girls who have recently graduated from their universities. I started out my asking them what they thought about Deborah’s testimony, and Tomo had several good questions about God that easily allowed Deborah and I to explain why our faith is so important to us. We talked about how things in this world, even good things, cannot ultimately bring us true joy. Things in this world can be lost – money, friends, relationships, homes, health – but our relationship with God and our salvation can never be lost, and because of our faith we can have joy in any circumstance. Both of them seemed interested in hearing more, so we were able to go ahead and explain the whole gospel with them thoroughly using the evangelism training outline that Deborah and I both know. Tomo acknowledged that most people she knows were taught that if we do enough good things we can get to Heaven. We spent some time explaining sin to her and how it is impossible to meet God’s standard for righteousness. Then we explained the consequence for sin and discussed God’s character, how He both loves us as our Creator, but how as a perfect and just God He must also punish for sin. She asked how those two things could go together, and we were able to tell her that the resolution to this seeming contradiction was the person and work of Christ and his death on the cross as a substitution for our sin. We finished by discussion the nature of true faith. Tomo has an Australian Christian friend who she says has shared with her also, so she is somewhat familiar with these things, but she said that she wasn’t sure yet. She said she was interested in finding out more, and we encouraged her to read certain parts of the Bible she received and to make effort to figure out what it is she believes. We made sure to make it clear to Tomo that life is fragile and we never know when we may pass away, and unless we make a decision to follow and commit our lives to God, then we are turning away from Him and running toward Hell. And we made it clear that the reason why we share this with them is that we very much desired for them to be saved from the punishment that awaits them and for them to know the same hope and joy that we have in Christ. They desire to come join us again for church next Sunday, so praise God for their willingness to come and their seeming interest to learn more! Now that the gospel has been sown, I am trusting in the Lord to work in their hearts to convict them of sin and their need for a Savior.

Saturday, June 27, 9:55 PM

2009-06-27T21:55:00.000-07:00

Besides visiting schools, we’ve had a few other cool opportunities to minister to people through Hamadera Bible Church. My host “mom”, Mrs. Takenaka, is a wonderful and generous host and loves to make opportunities to cook for us and invite unbelievers to eat with us. On Monday our whole team ate with Aaron and one of his English class students, a high school girl named Takako. She is an unbeliever, but enjoys coming to Hamadera Bible Church for English classes. Her English was quite good so we had a good time talking to her and are hoping to invite her out to some of our events so that we could perhaps share with her.

Yesterday night (Friday), the four of us girls on the team had dinner at Takenaka-san’s with 3 unbelieving women who are in another of Aaron Bitzer’s English classes at church. We got to share about the illustration of building your house on the rock versus on sand from Matthew 7 which led to me sharing the gospel and my short testimony. In Aaron’s English lessons, he gets to include about ten minutes of bible story time during each class, and we were able to ask the women a little bit about what they think. The women were pretty willing to discuss and answer our questions, and we were able to ask them why is it so difficult for them to believe and accept the gospel. One grew up with Buddhist traditions, though when asked she could not explain what her Buddhist beliefs were, which is the norm in Japan where Japanese people practice Buddhism but have no idea what it is about. One woman said that she has heard so many different ideas that it is hard to choose, and I think she believed that it was okay to mix together different religions without contradiction; this is another common thing done in Japan where they do not really differentiate between beliefs. The third woman, although she also did not believe, said that after hearing Aaron’s “God stories” over and over that perhaps she was more willing to listen and maybe accept them someday. I have no idea of knowing if she was just being polite, but I pray that God would continue to plant gospel truth into their minds as they continue to come to Hamadera for English lessons and that the Lord would soften their hardened hearts. Their names are Reiko, Machiko, and Michiko; please pray for their salvation!

Yesterday we also visited Seikyo Gakuen, which is a junior high and high school. We meet with their ESS (English speaking society) club and got to spend some time talking. Seikyo is supposedly a Christian school, but most of the students are not Christian and many of the teachers are not as well. Some of the students have just started learning English and conversations are a bit more limited, but we were at least able to let them know that we were Christians. The coolest part of that day was that Aaron got to share from Matthew 7 about building your house upon the rock or the sand as an illustration for our life in Christ.

Prayer Requests:
- Please pray for the salvation of Takako, Michiko, Machiko, and Reiko – English students at Hamadera Bible Church.
- Please pray for the students as Seikyo to be exposed to the truth of the gospel and for their salvation.

July 26, 2009 9:10PM - Visit to OPU:

2009-06-26T07:44:00.000-07:00

I have been meaning to update, but painting the church each day has left me a bit drained. The good news is that the sanctuary is pretty much finished, and I hope that it will be a blessing to the church congregation. This past Tuesday and Thursday were our first two visits to Osaka Prefecture University.

It was nice to be able to see some of the same older students. In particular, I spent most of the time on Tuesday talking with a girl around my age named Yukie. I think that someone on the team might have shared the gospel with her last year, so I am praying for an opportunity to follow up with her and share again.

This past Thursday I believe that a few of our team members got to share the gospel with some of the students. The response of one of the students named Shota was along the lines of, “Right now I don’t think I really need to think about what happens when I die. And though I could die at any moment, I guess I’ll just wait and find out what happens.” I praise the Lord for the faithfulness of my team members in sharing the gospel and looking for ways to build friendships in order to find opportunities to share.

We have invited the OPU students to hang out with us all day on Sunday. We are hoping they would be willing to come to the church service in the morning, and stay for lunch, English games, and dinner. If we could encourage the students to come join us off campus on Sunday, it would be a great opportunity for us to share the hope we have in Christ. It’s nice because it seems as if they really do want to hang out with us, but the downside is that many of them have exams to study for or have multiple part-time jobs that keep them busy on the weekend.

A new opportunity that we have for the first time is that the OPU students let us send two of our team members to join their ESS (English Speaking Society) club during lunchtime when they gather to eat and practice speaking English. Two of our team members spent the whole afternoon with some of the OPU students, and the cool thing is that they have requested that we send two more people for each lunch when they meet during the week. What an awesome opportunity that the Lord has opened up for us!

Tomorrow afternoon (Saturday), we will be visiting Koyasan High School, a Buddhist high school up in the mountainside. I have no idea what to expect, but please be praying for us as we go there. One of the church members, Momosan, attended this high school when he was younger and became a Christian after Pastor Kondo who was visiting the high school met him and shared the gospel with him. Please pray for opportunities for us to testify the hope we have in Christ.

Please pray for:
- returning students: Yukie, Akira, Yuusuke, Hideki, Natsumi, Takashi “Kagi”, Yoshihito, Megumi, Kou
- new students: Taki, Asuka, Harabo, Lenz, Shota 1, Shota 2, Sayumi, Ayaka, Miki, Yabi, Koush, Yutaro
- For the Lord to soften the student’s hearts toward the gospel and for their salvation.
- Pray that many would come to church on Sunday and that we would continue to build our friendships with the students and have the opportunity to share the gospel with them.
- Pray for our first-time visit to Koyasan high school. Pray that the Lord might plant the gospel in a place with a long-standing history and tradition of Buddhist idolatry.

June 21, 2009 – 9:50am

2009-06-21T16:38:00.000-07:00

Yesterday evening we enjoyed hot pot for dinner at Hamadera Bible Church and were joined by 7 of the Osaka Prefecture students. It was really exciting that they came because last summer it was a bit more difficult to get the students to come and meet us off campus. This is for the church is a very foreign concept for the Japanese, and even stepping inside a church building is strange and can be uncomfortable for them apparently. Last year one of our goals was to build friendships with them throughout the two weeks so that they might feel comfortable enough to come meet with us off campus in order that we might have greater freedom to share what we believe with them and hopefully have more gospel-centered conversations. The amazing thing about this year is that only two nights have passed and some of the students have joined us for dinner on both nights, and it’s only the beginning of the trip! Praise God that they seem genuinely excited to want to come and spend time with us. Some of the students even live really far away and travel two hours by train to get to Osaka to attend school and to hang out with us. Another difference I noticed from last year is that this year they even seem comfortable talking to the pastor, Okada Sensei, and to the other Japanese church staff. Last year they were pretty much interested only in making conversation with the American team. I’m praying this leads to opportunities for the church members to be able to continue reaching out to the students throughout the year!

For most of that evening I talked with a new freshman girl named Yukie Takaguchi, Taki for short. It was a lot of fun getting to know her. I feel that talking over food and fun makes conversation flow much more naturally! Taki and I eventually bonded over High School Musical 3….who knew it could be used as a ministry tool? Lol. I’m hoping to see her again during the trip and praying for an opportunity to share the gospel with her.

Japan Update 01

2009-06-19T22:37:00.000-07:00

We have arrived safely in Japan! It's Saturday afternoon over here, and we've had time to just relax and settle in and go over our schedule for the next two weeks.

Because of fears of the H1N1 virus, some of the schools we normally visit have canceled their visit with us since we are Americans. Please be praying for flexibility for the team and wisdom on how to best use the time we have. I am excited to see what different opportunities the Lord might bring with the extra time we have. Let's see...I'll try my best to briefly give you an idea of what we'll be up to.

The schools that we have visited in the past that we will go to again are Osaka Prefecture University, and Seikyo Gakuen. Seikyo is a junior high/high school, and some of the kids at church attend this school now, including Pastor Kondo's older son. It will be exciting to see what kinds of opportunities we will have with these new connections. OPU is the university that Hamadera has had the longest relationship with. STM teams have been visiting this school since 2001. After so many years, Okada Sensei feels that we have built a strong foundation with them, and he is hoping that in the next few years we can move toward a cultivation stage of our relationship with OPU and we are praying that we will begin to see fruit in this ministry. Pray that God would begin to save students at OPU, and that we would hav even more opportunities to share the gospel!

Some of the new opportunities we are trying to figure out still:
We will be visting Koyasan Hugh School, a Buddhist high school that is up on a mountain. One of the Hamadera Church memebers, Momo, grew up at this Buddhist high school and will be coming along with us, so this will be an interesting and exciting opportunity for sure. Besides that, some of the schools we may visit are: Osaka College of Music, Osaka University of the Arts, Kyoto University, and Osaka City University. With our flexibility, we will either have a lot of down time, or have a LOT of schools to visit. With extra down time, we are planning to help clean up and paint the church building.

That's it for now! Please be praying for:
- Health of the team
- The students will want to know about us as Americans since we're different. Pray that we will stand out as a testimony for Christ to the students.
- Pray for opportunities to strengthen relationships with OPU with offering to help students with their English and looking over their speeches/debates. We are hoping this idea is something that Hamadera could continue with throughout the year and continue to visit and help the OPU students.
- Pray for how the Lord might use new opportunities with new schools.

Friday, June 19, 2009 – 8:12PM

2009-06-19T20:12:00.000-07:00

What a crazy week it’s been! I took my last final exam of my college career on Friday. Hung out with people and packed up my apartment frantically. Graduated UCLA on Sunday. Finished Packing. Woke up with a fever unknowingly at 6am on Monday morning; drove 6 hours home to Norcal (yes, with a fever). Slept slept slept on Monday and Tuesday. Praise the Lord for not having the flu; just a cold. Hung out with Matt on Wednesday daytime. Flew to LAX Wednesday evening and hopped onboard with my team to fly to Japan. My team and I were a bit afraid of me getting quarantined with my cold symptoms because of the stricter health screens of swine-flu-paranoid Asian countries. Praise the Lord for making it through the thermal scanners and health questionnaires. I have no idea what would have happened if I were to get quarantined for days, but apparently it was the Lord’s will to get out of the airport and over to Hamadera. And here I am! In JAPAN! After all that flurry of activity…I can hardly believe I’m here.

With all the things I needed to get done, and then getting sick and rest becoming the most urgent priority, I barely had any conscious hours to mentally prepare for the trip at hand. When we arrived today, there was nothing planned for us to do that day, which was strange compared to my past arrival experiences. But I’m thankful for the time our team has today to settle in before jumping in tomorrow. Right now I am writing this from my room in my host family’s home. Deborah, Linda, Amanda, and I are all staying at Takenaka-san’s home. Mrs. Takenaka is a widow and faithful member of Hamadera Bible Church who has been more than happy to host missionaries and us STMers for way longer than I’ve been around this ministry. The four of us girls have already had a great time talking with her over dinner. She is so enthusiastic about her different ministries, and she’s also funny to boot. Her English is really decent, although she doesn’t think so. She is such a sweet lady…and I think she deserves her own separate blog post to do her justice. Her home is so welcoming and homey too…I might have to see what I can do about procuring some photos of this nice Japanese home. And did I mention that EACH of us girls has her own room? I was super shocked when I found out we each get our own bedroom space. Wow. Okay, I think I’m losing steam on my journaling…feeling sleepy though it’s only 8:20. Gotta take some time later to write down the stories I heard from Takenaka-san today, but that will go in another entry.

asian dish drying rack

2009-06-11T01:16:00.001-07:00

you know...those things that asians use to dry their dishes...the dishwasher. lol. my goc pastor pokes fun about how the only thing asians use dish washers for is to put cleaned dishes in to dry...it's true it's true. however, after he made that joke this past friday, i've used the dishwasher twice! once for sg dinner...7 sets of utensils, bowls, plates, cups. no wonder the williamsons with their four kids use only the dishwasher. dishwashers are also great for taking care of piles of dishes during finals week. yayy...and now i've "redeemed" my dishwashing time by blogging when i should get back to the books instead...byebye!

drawing near...

2009-06-10T14:43:00.000-07:00

Wow, I just noticed from the time stamp that it's been a whole month since I have last blogged. Undoubtedly so much has gone on in my last quarter of school! Now the time for graduation draws near. I can't really express or even sort through all the thoughts I have about this period of time at UCLA, at GOC and Grace Church that is drawing to it's end, but I am so thankful to the Lord for the four years I have had here. Thankful for the people He has brought into my life to shepherd, encourage, and challenge me. For dear friends, brothers and sisters in Christ. Okay...time to go back to studying for finals. =)

JOY

2009-06-10T14:39:00.000-07:00

From an article from the Purple Cellar written on joy:

"Joy. It’s what makes Christians stand out from the world. Along with the gift of Christ himself comes everything we will ever really need. Our security is guaranteed. Our provision is sure. Our path is guided. Undoubtedly we pass through seasons of difficulty and sorrow and uncertainty, but real joy isn’t conditioned upon our circumstances. So why are we gloomy much of the time? We don’t have to be gloomy. We should most certainly not be gloomy! But all too often our thoughts and words are punctuated by grumblings and bad moods. We look at what we lack rather than all we have.

We are privileged women, not only spiritually but temporally. That is part of our problem. We are over-privileged. Available to us is a pill for every ailment, government aid for financial difficulty, and thirty choices of breakfast cereal in the grocery aisle. On top of that we have free access to the Word and the people of God. Because those things are so easily had, we have come to see our privileges as rights, and such an outlook is a joy crusher. Everything we have—health, freedom, friendship, family, job, government protection—is a gift, not a right. Remembering that truth when things go wrong keeps joy alive. Joy is always available to those indwelt by the Holy Spirit, which is why gloominess is a copout...

...Joy and Christ-centeredness go hand-in-hand, so if we lack more joy more often than we have it, we aren’t Christ-centered. It’s that simple."

we really did it

2009-05-08T22:05:00.000-07:00

from Challies: "We Really Did It!" ...the last paragraph is especially encouraging.

"A few days ago I was reflecting on how good God is to allow us to work with him and to sometimes do his work on his behalf. When we share the gospel with unbelievers or when we preach the gospel to our brothers and sisters in Christ, it is easy to see our own inadequacy, our own shortcomings. It is easy to grow discouraged, knowing how little we can accomplish. Why bother with our fractional percent when God is the one who must provide all of the power?..."

----------------

"When the entire family decides to plant baby lettuce on a Saturday afternoon in the backyard, certain realities apply and certain home truths about family dynamics and gardening knowledge must be taken into account. My wife is extremely well aware of these realities; the rest of us are somewhat aware in a descending order that begins with me, and gradually drops down to our seven-year-old (who, truth be known, is starting to get quite good and is beginning to ask question about my ability in this area), down to our four-year-old and finally to our three-year-old. The latter two contribute enthusiasm and a certain degree of, let’s say, unrestrained passion about how things ought to be done and who ought to do them first. As a direct result of this scenario, it is fair to suggest that every single task that needs to be completed in the garden takes three to five times longer than if Fiona (my wife) were to do it herself. Digging a furrow takes longer. Putting plants into the furrow takes longer. It is an activity fraught with risk both to the baby lettuce and to the dogs underfoot. At least one adult is employed for the entire gardening period keeping an eye on the most recent location of the pitchfork, and helping recover small plants from under a layer of newly thrown mulch. Snails, as the oldest of us have now realized, are not potential pets—but we haven’t yet had the heart to tell the two youngest, and so the location of their mollusc collection has also turned out to be one of those things that just has to be carefully monitored.

But for all the slow, distracting and sometimes dangerous things that happen in our garden, there is no doubt that all of us really are gardening. Every single one of the children’s mistakes, and a good number of mine as well, will be overruled by grace. The good things we do really are good things. In the kindness and providence of God, the children (and I) are becoming better gardeners than when we first began. When we stand in the garden in the summer sunshine we will be happy because we really did it.

And that is how it is with God and us, his fellow workers, in his church. We really are helping him. Those who see our efforts may laugh at what we do. We ourselves may become frustrated and upset by mistakes and lack of competence. We may become dimly aware, from time to time, that what we thought was useful and helpful was, unfortunately, nothing of the sort. But provided that we keep our focus on what God says in his word, and continue to speak that same truth in love, the gospel we speak will continue to transform our own lives and the lives of others. And that gospel work will result in a growth that bears fruit into eternity."

Holy Shuddering!

2009-05-06T00:13:00.000-07:00

Holy shuddering! (Charles Spurgeon <http://www.gracegems.org/21/Charles_Spurgeon_sermons.htm> )

"Horror grips me because of the wicked, who have forsaken Your law!" Psalm 119:53

My soul, do you feel this holy shuddering at the sins of others? If not, you lack inward holiness. David's cheeks were wet with rivers of waters, because of prevailing unholiness. Jeremiah desired eyes like fountains, that he might lament the iniquities of Israel. Lot, a righteous man, was distressed all the immorality and wickedness around him. Those upon whom the mark was set in Ezekiel's vision, were those who sighed and cried because of the abominations of Jerusalem.

It cannot but grieve gracious souls--to see what pains men take to go to Hell. They know the evil of sin experimentally, and they are alarmed to see others flying like moths into its blaze!

Sin makes the righteous shudder, because it violates God's holy law, which is to every man's highest interest to keep. Sin pulls down the pillars of the society!

Sin in others horrifies a believer, because it puts him in mind of the vileness of his own heart. When he sees a heinous sinner, he cries, "He fell today--and, but for God's grace--I may fall tomorrow!"

Sin is horrible to a believer, because it crucified his Savior! He sees in every iniquity--the nails and the spear! How can a saved soul behold that cursed kill-Christ sin--without abhorrence?

Say, my heart--do you sensibly join in all this? It is an awful thing to insult God to His face. The good God deserves better treatment; the great God claims it; the just God will have it--or repay His adversary to his face!

An awakened heart trembles at the audacity of sin--and stands alarmed at the contemplation of its punishment. How monstrous a thing is sin! How direful a doom is prepared for the ungodly!

My soul, never laugh at sin's fooleries--lest you come to smile at sin itself! Sin is your Lord's enemy, and your enemy--view it with detestation, for only so, can you evidence the possession of holiness, without which no man can see the Lord.

Siblings in Christ

2009-05-04T00:25:00.000-07:00

I love all my brothers and sisters in Christ, but there is something that is just so sweet when your brother in Christ is actually your real flesh and blood brother. =) I praise the Lord for saving my two brothers over these past years...most recently my youngest brother was saved this past summer. He's the last one at home now with my unbelieving parents (since both my other bro and I are in college), so I can imagine how difficult it must me at times when things are tough and there are no siblings to turn to.

Thanks to Internet, facebook, etc capabilities...I've been able to talk more with my youngest brother and encourage him spiritually. I try to call my brother when he's having hard days, and tonight was anotehr night where I got to spend some time praying for him over the phone. He's going through a lot of small but difficult trials (ones I also went through) and it's such a joy to be able to pray for him over the phone and to pray for the salvation of our parents. I praise the Lord for these trials in his life because I can see the Lord using it as an opportunity to mold and sanctify him, teaching Him to trust in the Lord and to look to Him. What a good God we have.

joy of being an earthen vessel

2009-04-30T01:36:00.000-07:00

It's hard to think of a title for this post...so perhaps I'll just start writing. My pastor at Grace on Campus has said to me that most ministry is done in the trenches. Day in, day out, hard, laboring sacrifice. But it's a joyful sacrifice. In Scripture, no one exemplifies joyful sacrifice more than the apostle Paul. And where did he learn it from? From Jesus, "who for the joy set before Him endured the cross, despising the shame, and has sat down at the right hand of God." (Hebrews 12:2)

So. Joyful sacrifice. What about days when I feel like there's no fruit? You want to see people love God more and have a passion for His name, but some days it just feels like cold, empty nothing? Laboring in vain?

There is still joy.

Why?

In ministry, God only calls us to be faithful. If at the end of the day I lay my head on my pillow and know that I am trusting God for the grace to just be faithful, then that is enough for me. To just be faithful with what God has called me to do, and to trust Him to work.

Why do I do ministry anyway? Why I do serve?
For man? For results? For my own self-glory?
Lord, I pray that it would be for You, for Your glory, because I love You.
O God, thank you for considering me, an earthen vessel, worthy to do Your work.
Lord, give me the grace to just be faithful.

"For we do not preach ourselves but Christ Jesus as Lord, and ourselves as your bond-servants for Jesus' sake...we have this treasure in earthen vessels, so that the surpassing greatness of the power will be of God and not from ourselves" ~ 2 Corinthians 4:5,7

parenting and discipleship

2009-04-29T14:24:00.000-07:00

Parenting is one form of discipleship isn't it? I was reading this article by Carolyn Mahaney on GirlTalk about mother's trusting God with how their children are doing. Though I don't know a thing about parenting...strangely enough I find that by analogy the concepts relate pretty well to small group leading and small group discipleship as well. I found Carolyn's words very encoruagement, humbling, and comforting...you can almost just substitute the words "mother" and "children" with "small group leader" and "small groupie". Here are Carolyn's words modified:

"Certainly, there is a place for sadness and self-examination. But we can’t get stuck there. We must not wallow in our deficiencies. We must not think that success or failure depends entirely upon our [SGLing], because it doesn’t. We must resist the temptation to make our [sgie]'s behavior all about us. We must turn our gaze to God.

You see, excessive self-focus reveals what we believe in. It reveals pride. As [SGL]s we can be proud when our [sgies] are doing well, by taking credit for their good behavior and receiving the praise of others as if it was due to us. But did you know we can also be proud when our [sgies] are doing poorly? If we believe their foolish choices are solely the result of our failures, or if we are consumed by fear of what others think about us, or if we rely on our words and methods to change their hearts, we prove we are leaning on ourselves, hoping in ourselves, wanting glory for ourselves, instead of trusting in God.

So if you know the sorrow of a wayward [sgie] may I encourage you—stop staring at your failures. Lift up your eyes and look to God. Receive his comfort in your grief, His joy for your fear, His forgiveness for your sin, His righteousness for your shame, His hope for your future."

strength in ministry

2009-04-29T14:09:00.000-07:00

"Unchangeable Jehovah,
When I am discouraged in my ministry
and full of doubts of my self,
fasten me upon the rock of thy eternal election,
then thy hands will not hang down,
and I shall have hope for myself and others.
Though dost know thy people by name,
and wilt at the appointment season
lead them out of a natural to a gracious state
by thy effectual calling.
This is the ground of my salvation,
the object of my desire,
the motive of my ministry.
Keep my from high thoughts of myself or my work,
for I am nothing but sin and weakness;
in me no goodness dwells,
and my best works are but sin.
Humble me to dust before thee.
Root and tear out the poisonous weed of self-righteousness,
and show me my utter nothingness;
Keep me sensible of my sinnership;
Sink me deeper into penitence and self-abhorrence;
Break the Dagon of pride in pieces before the ark of thy presence;
Demolish the Babel of self-opinion, and scatter it to the wind
Level to the ground my Jericho walls of a rebel heart;
Then grace, grace will be my experience and cry.
I am a poor, feeble creature when faith is not in exercise,
like an eagle with pinioned wings;
Grant to me rest on thy power and faithfulness,
and to know that there are two things worth living for:
to further thy cause in the world
and to do good to the souls and bodies of men;
This is my ministry, my life, my prayer, my end.
Grant me grace that I shall not fail."

- "A Minister's Strength" The Valley of Vision

a ministry prayer

2009-04-29T01:53:00.000-07:00

A while ago I bought a copy of The Valley of Vision, a collection of Puritan prayers and devotions, because I feel like often these poems so eloquently describe and put words to things I am reflecting on. Here is one such prayer that echos the prayer of my own heart in midst of my own weaknesses. I have another one I'll share tomorrow...

"O my Lord,
Let not my ministry be approved only by men,
or merely win the esteem and affections of people;
But do the work of grace in their hearts,
call in thy elect,
seal and edify the regenerate ones,
and command eternal blessings on their souls.
Save me from self-opinion and self-seeking;
Water the hearts of those who hear thy Word,
that seen sown in weakness may be raised in power;
Cause me and those that hear me
to behold thee here in the light of special faith,
and hereafter in the blaze of endless glory;
Make my every sermon a means of grace to myself,
and help me to experience the power of thy dying love,
for thy blood is balm,
why presence bliss
thy smile heaven,
thy cross the place where truth and mercy meet.
Look upon the doubts and discouragements of my ministry
and keep me from self-importance;
I beg pardon for my many sins, omissions, infirmities,
as a man, as a minister;
Command thy blessing on my weak, unworthy labors,
and on the message of salvation given;
Stay with thy people,
and may thy presence be their portion and mine.
When I preach to others let not my words be merely elegant and masterly,
my reasoning polished and refined,
my performance powerless and tasteless,
but may I exalt thee and humble sinners.
O Lord of power and grace,
all hearts are in thy hands, all events at thy disposal,
set the seal of thy almighty will upon my ministry."

"A Minister's Prayer" - The Valley of Vision

2009-04-23T01:43:00.001-07:00

"Remember, it is not hasty reading, but serious meditating upon holy and heavenly truths, that make them prove sweet and profitable to the soul. It is not the bee’s touching of the flower that gathers honey, but her abiding for a time upon the flower that draws out the sweet. It is not he that reads most, but he that meditates most, that will prove the choicest, sweetest, wisest, and strongest Christian."

~Thomas Brooks

grace sufficient for weakness

2009-04-02T23:53:00.000-07:00

how sweet is the grace that has saved me and sanctifies me. how much i do dearly need it.

[2 Cor 12:9-10]

-------------------------------------

“If the mark of his blood is upon any word, thou needest never doubt it. If he has died, how canst thou perish? If he has bidden thee come, how can he cast thee out? If thou dost rest upon his finished work, how canst thou be condemned? Believe, I pray thee, and rest thee on the blood-sprinkled words of this wondrous Book.”- Charles Spurgeon, Words to Rest On

"...Cast the burden of the present, along with the sin of the past and the fear of the future, upon the Lord, who forsaketh not his saints.” - Charles Spurgeon

“All tears of godly sorrow drop from the eye of faith. Godly sorrow rises and falls—as faith rises and falls.The more a man is able by faith to look upon a pierced Christ—the more his heart will mourn over all the dishonours which he has done to Christ.The more deep and wide the wounds are, which faith shows me in the heart and sides of Christ—the more my heart will be wounded for sinning against Christ.”—Thomas Brooks

“Your worst days are never so bad that you are beyond the reach of God’s grace, nor are your best days ever so good that you are beyond the need of it.”- Jerry Bridges, Discipline of Grace

“It is imperative that we realize our complete dependence upon the Holy Spirit. We must not rely upon our own strength of resolution or purpose. It is when we are weak that we are strong. It is by grace that we are being saved (Rom. 5:10) as surely as by grace that we have been saved (Ehp. 2:8-9). If we are not keenly sensitive to our own helplessness, then we can make the use of the means of sanctification the minister of self-righteousness and pride and thus defeat the purpose of sanctification. We must not rely on the means of sanctification but upon the God of all grace.” —John Murray

2009-03-20T00:34:00.000-07:00

"But if God so clothes the grass of the field, which is alive today and tomorrow is thrown into the furnace, will He not much more clothe you? You of little faith! Do not worry then, saying, 'What will we eat?" or 'What will we drink?' or 'What will we wear for clothing?' For the Gentiles eagerly seek all these things; for your heavenly Father knows you need all these things. But seek first His kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added unto you."
~Matthew 6:30-33

It's too preliminary for me to even know what to worry about...but uncertainty in itself can be such a big temptation to become anxious. I pray that as events unfold that I will continue to trust the Lord to provide. I pray that my attitude and the way I handle things that come would be a testimony of Christ and an encouragement to my family.
...that's all for now.

Japan STM 2009 - College Evangelism

2009-03-16T14:43:00.000-07:00

I haven't mentioned it here yet, but I will be returning to Hamadera Bible Church in Osaka, Japan to serve on a short-term ministries trip with fellow UCLA students from Grace Community Church. I will get the opportunity to serve in the college evangelism ministry again this year, and I am excited to hopefully see some of the same faces and have opportunities to follow-up and to again share the hope we have in Christ. There are so many challenges in Japan right now and much spiritual darkness, but I am excited to see the Lord's faithfulness to work through the believers at Hamadera Bible Church. It is a joy to be able to go back and serve alongside them again, and I pray that the Lord would use our team to further His work in getting the gospel out to students in Japan. More updates to come...but I just wanted to introduce a photo of the team.

We have 4 new people, and 4 who have been on the trip before. 1:1 guy girl ratio. 3 graduated, 3 senior, and 2 juniors. I am so excited to be going along with this great group of brothers and sisters.

Here's a link to our team xanga:
http://www.xanga.com/Japanstm2k9
Here's what I blogged about last year's trip:
http://estellastm.blogspot.com/

Walnut Brownie Cookies

2009-03-11T19:19:00.000-07:00

I made these a while ago and had this recipe in my blogroll to publish, but never got around to it. I highly recommend this recipe. The cookie's got an amazing texture and chocolately goodness, and they take a little extra work from scratch to melt the chocolate etc, but BOY is it worth it. And you can make a bunch of dough and store it in the freezer for when you have cravings...but good luck trying to not bake and eat them all at once.

Walnut Brownie Cookies

Ingredients:
1/2 cup all purpose flour
1 teaspoon baking powder
1/2 teaspoon salt
1 pound bittersweet (not unsweetened) or semisweet chocolate, chopped
1/4 cup (1/2 stick) unsalted butter
1 3/4 cups (packed) brown sugar
4 large eggs
1 tablespoon vanilla extract
1.5-2 cups walnuts, toasted, chopped
Flaky sea salt for sprinkling (optional)
Other ideas: toffee bits, white chocolate chips, pecans

Directions:
Combine flour, baking powder and salt in small bowl; whisk to blend. Stir chocolate and butter in top of double boiler set over simmering water until melted and smooth. Remove from over water. Cool mixture to lukewarm.

Using electric mixer, beat sugar and eggs in bowl until thick, about 5 minutes. Beat in chocolate mixture and vanilla. Stir in flour mixture, then fold in nuts. Chill batter until firm, about 45 minutes.

Preheat oven to 350°F. Drop batter by spoonfuls onto sheets, spacing two inches apart. Sprinkle with a pinch of flaky sea salt, if you’re using it. Bake just until tops are dry and cracked but cookies are still soft to touch, about 12 to 15 minutes.

Slice and bake option: Something that might be easier than scooping the dough is to roll it into a log 1.5 inches in diameter and chill it. When ready to bake the cookies, cut the dough into 1/2-inch slices. The dough log can be stored in the freezer for up to a month, wrapped in waxed paper and then in plastic wrap. Cookies baked straight from the freezer just need an additional minute or two in the oven, depending on their thickness.

Adapted from Smitten Kitchen: http://smittenkitchen.com/2008/11/chocolate-toffee-cookies/

when life squeezes

2009-03-10T23:08:00.000-07:00

Today at Titus 2, our guest speaker was sharing one of the points from the book "Lie's Women Believe: And the Truth that Sets Them Free" by Nancy Leigh DeMoss. One of these lies was something like the following.

The LIE: If my circumstances were different, I would be different. A.k.a....I am a product of my circumstances and upbringing. What I take that to mean is, a.k.a., it's not my fault, I am the way I am because of my circumstances.

The truth is that our circumstances don't make us what we are, they only reveal what we already are. (Luke 6:45; Matt 6:21) This reminded me of an illustration I remember reading that addresses this very thing.

The sponge illustration
Basically, if we had a wet sponge and squeezed it, water would splash onto the floor. If asked what caused this mess, our answer would typically be that the sponge was squeezed which caused the water to drip. The point made is that it's a bit inaccurate because if the same squeeze were applid to a dry sponge then nothing would have come out. The problem is not in the squeeze, but in what was contained in the sponge. The squeeze only serves to reveal the contents of the sponge.

The point that Carolyn McCulley goes on to make is that when the squeeze of difficult life circumstances hit us, they only serve to reveal the contents of our heart. When we are squeezed we can respond with anger or indignation...or we could also respond with humily and trust in God's sovereignty. Often we blame our circumstances as that which causes us to behave or react in a certain way, or respong with sinful attitudes, but really...the circumstances only reveal what was already in our hearts.

I really like the sponge illustration. =)

Ref:
http://solofemininity.blogs.com/posts/2007/04/how_people_chan.html
http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001321.cfm

something fishy

2009-03-10T00:04:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: This post is of no significance, at all. Whatsoever. Ok, you've been duly noted.

Monday at Ralphs there was Arrowhead flounder on sale. Hmm...sounds interesting let's give it a try. So I take it home with visions of delicately pan-seared white fish with buerre blanc sauce smothered over it.

Disappointment #1: I cut my fish fillet in two and flip it over only to discover a WORM in my fish flesh. A WORM! EW! grosssss. So I washed it off. Only when the worm started to move in the sink did I panic at the grossness of having it still be alive. Did I keep the fish or throw it out? Well...I threw out the small chunk that had the worm, inspected the rest of the fish and decided ok why not, just cook the good half.

Disappointment #2: I forget that some flounder can be very delicate....aka MUSHY. I tried to flip my fish over and it fell apart. Ok, no biggie. It'll still taste good right? NOPE. What I ended up with was fish with the consistency of oatmeal. Lesson learned. As a marine bio student I should have KNOWN better.

I googled the fish to see what I could dig up. Apparently in Alaska in 1997 they caught 13,000 tons of it (by-ctach perhaps), but only put to market 2,000 tons of that 13. AKA No one wanted to eat it. In 2007 that number increased to 60% being processed, and I read that it is one of the most abundant fish species in Alaska right now.

CONCLUSION: sadness. all the yummy top of the food chain fish we know and love are being eaten up, and we are being reduced to fish like these. sad times.

It makes me appreciate and give thanks to God for the times I do get to enjoy good yummy seafood. Too bad Monday night was NOT one of those nights. Perhaps another day. =)

2009-02-24T13:32:00.000-08:00

Hmm...funny. My last post was written while studying for evolution midterm. Right now I'm sitting in class and trying to endure more false views and teachings on the subject. My Google reader highlights a good article from the Pulpit Magazine blog titles, "On Saving the Planet". What an appropriate and freshly encouraging thing to read while having to endure lecture. Ok, maybe granted I shouldn't be taking a google reader break during class, but honestly I'm listening to lecture and i don't really inderstand the point he's trying to make. Anyway...here's a link to the article, as well as a quote at the end of it that I thought was really great:

"On Saving the Planet" - Shepherd's Fellowship Pulpit Magazine

"Saving the world, for Christians, is not about saving the planet, but about saving the lost. Moreover, the greatest legacy we can leave the next generation is not a cleaner planet, but the truth of the Gospel (cf. Deut. 6:5–9; 2 Tim. 3:14–15). Instead of being distracted by attempts to save our broken planet, Christians should focus on what God has actually called the church to do—looking forward to the day when He will create a new earth which lasts forever (cf. Rev. 21–22)."

1:55 AM Quiet Neighborhood.

2009-02-19T01:55:00.001-08:00

I'm studying for my evolution midterm and it;s driving me crazy because of the drivel of false teaching I have to endure in this class. That's right, take that Darwin. Well anyway, my allergies were killing me to I needed some air. I put on a sweatshirt and just went out to stand on my balcony...and there was not a sound. Rare occurence for Westwood apartment area, but it was very soothing. It made me just very thankful to the Lord for the little things...a breath of fresh cool air after being confined in a stuffy dusty apartment; a moment of quiet reflection to myself in an otherwise constant college life routine. Even the darkness cast over all the apartments and the soft pretty glowy lights made everything seemed quieter. Peaceful even. What a satisfying 3 minute break. Time to get back to studying...or sleep. Goodnight!

2009-02-16T21:02:00.000-08:00

It's so nice to have a Monday off. =) That us all. Have a great week everybody.

---------------------------------

“You don’t have anything to prove to us or the world. The work is finished at Calvary, and that work has unlimited meaning and value. Keep your focus there.”

- C. John Miller

a thousand times i've failed

2009-02-12T16:36:00.000-08:00

A thousand times I've failed
Still your mercy remains
And should I stumble again
Still I'm caught in your grace

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
my heart and my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Your will above all else, my purpose remains
The art of losing myself in bringing you praise

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
In my heart, in my soul, Lord I give you control
Consume me from the inside out Lord
Let justice and praise become my embrace
To love You from the inside out

Everlasting, Your light will shine when all else fades
Never ending, Your glory goes beyond all fame
And the cry of my heart is to bring You praise
From the inside out Lord, my soul cries out

"From The Inside Out" Hillsong

this one is always an old favorite.

s'more encouraging tidbits

2009-02-10T15:27:00.000-08:00

“We often feel as if grace had done its utmost when it has carried us safely through the desert, and set us down at the gate of the kingdom. We feel as if, when grace has landed us there, it has done all for us that we are to expect.
But God’s thoughts are not our thoughts. He does exceeding abundantly above all we ask or think. It is just when we reach the threshold of the prepared heavenly city, that grace meets us in new and more abundant measures, presenting us with the recompense of the reward.
The love that shall meet us then to bid us welcome to the many mansions, shall be love beyond what we were here able to comprehend; for then shall we fully realize, as if for the first time, the meaning of these words, ‘The love of God which is in Christ Jesus our Lord;’ and then shall we have that prayer of Christ fulfilled in us, ‘That the love with which you have loved me may be in them, and I in them.’
It was grace which on earth said to us, ‘Come unto Me, and I will give you rest;’ and it will be grace, in all its exceeding riches, that will hereafter say to us, ‘Come, you who are blessed of my Father, inherit the kingdom prepared for you from the foundation of the world.’”

—Horatius Bonar, “The God of Grace”

---------------------------

"I Lord...greater is thy anxiety for me (Matt 6:30; john 6:20), than all the care that I can take for myself. For he standeth but very totteringly, who casteth not all his anxiety upon Thee. (1 Pet. 5:7) O Lord, if only my way remain right and firm towards Thee, do with me whatsoever shall please Thee. For it cannot be anything but good, whatsoever thou shalt do with me. If Thou willest me to be in darkness, be Thou blessed; If Thou vouchsafe to comfort me, be Thou blessed; and if Thou willest me to be afflicted, be Thou ever equally blessed."

~Thomas A' Kempis

------------------------

"When my soul is tossed on the rough waves of the troubled sea of this life, if I can but cast out the anchor of hope into the depths of God's blessed will, it holds fast at once and the winds and the waves are rebuked...
God's plans and purposes for me, and for you, dear reader, were all made and determined on from the beginning; and as they are worked out day by day in our lives, how wise should we be if, with joyful certainty, we accepted each unfolding of his will as a proof of his faithfulness and love! When once I, as a believer, can say from my heart, 'This is the will of God concerning me', it matters not what the 'this' is - whether it be a small domestic worry, or the severance of the dearest earthly ties - the fact that it is his most blessed will, takes all the fierce sting out of the trouble, and leaves it powerless to hurt or hinder the peace of my soul."

~Susannah Spurgeon, "Free Grace & Dying Love"

armed by faith and winged by prayer

2009-02-09T01:03:00.000-08:00

I've posted this before, but I think for my own lack of prayer (which demonstrated my lack of trust and faith) I need to post this again.

"Prayer assumes the sovereignty of God. If God is not sovereign, we have no assurance that He is able to answer our prayers. Our prayers would become nothing more than wishes. But while God's sovereignty, along with His wisdom and love, is the foundation of our trust in Him, prayer is the expression of that trust."
~Trusting God by Jerry Bridges

I will glory in my Redeemer,
His faithfulness my standing place...

kodak moments

2009-02-07T15:47:00.000-08:00

Ever had one of those moments when you are staring intensely at a photo grasped tightly in your hand, poring over and soaking in every detail of its little 4x6 frame as it occupies your entire vision...only to realize that the real genuine thing is right before you? It's like sitting in the sand preoccupied with a postcard of the ocean when you are at the beachfront with literally the whole horizon of majestic blue ocean waters before you.

Everything in life points to something, more precisely Someone, much greater. God's hand is in everything. The good. The bad. It all works for the purpose of His glory. All the good things and gifts in this life are but a picture and a shadow, of something much greater. Christ.

As much joy and sincere happiness we may experience in this life now, just think of the joy that is yet to come. Everything that I place my joy in now is only a picture. I think sometimes I'm staring so hard at the picture that I forget the real thing that the picture points to is right before me. And everyone knows that a mere photo, as nice of a photo as it may be, pales in comparison to the real splendor that a camera cannot capture. Everything that I cherish and am thankful for in this life should automatically point me back to Christ in thankfulness and devotion to Him. He is the object of true and lasting joy.

------------------------

On a sidenote, there is a married couple named Andrew and Grace that many have been praying for as Andrew battled an untreatable cancer. Today he has passed from this earthly life, and can now begin his life as a citizen of heaven. The hard part is knowing that he has left behind a wife and two kids, but reading their blog has been undeniably encouraging and sanctifying for my own soul. Reading some of their old blog posts today that I had never read over before made me pretty emotional, and it makes me consider how none of us really know how much time the Lord has given us and it is up to us to use it faithfully for His glory. Can I just say that the example of their family blows me away? In each moment of their struggle with cancer, both Andrew and Grace have lived fully to the glory of God. Their faithfulness is seen so clearly in times when He provides them with strength, and even in times of frail human weakness when they cry out to Him and completely place their trust in Him. I am so thankful for how their testimony has encoruaged and reminded me to set my eyes on Christ.

(Choc Chip Walnut) Zucchini Muffins

2009-01-31T19:02:00.000-08:00

Zucchini Muffins

I made a batch of these to serve as a quick breakfast on the go I can take with me on campus. You can add any kind of extra chopped dry ingredients you want; in the ones above I added walnuts and dark chocolate chips. YUM. I recommend microwaving these muffins in the morning for 10-15 seconds to get 'em soft and warm. You can also individually wrap these in saran wrap to grab for breakfast or to stick in your lunch bag. Definitely a delicious keeper. I just ran out of muffins a day ago, and I'm a bit sad now.

Ingredients:

3 cups grated fresh zucchini
2/3 cup melted unsalted butter
1 3/4 cups sugar
2 eggs, beaten
2 tsp vanilla
2 tsp baking soda
1 pinch of salt
3 cups all-purpose flour
2 tsp cinnamon
1 tsp nutmeg
1 cup walnuts (optional)
1 cup raisins or dried cranberries (optional)
1 cup chocolate chips (optional)

Directions:

Preheat the oven to 350°F (175°C).
In a large bowl, mix together the sugar, eggs, and vanilla. Mix in the grated zucchini and then the melted butter. Sprinkle baking soda and salt over the mixture and mix in.
In a separate bowl, stir together the flour, cinnamon, and nutmeg. Add these dry ingredients to the zucchini mixture. Fold in chopped ingredients such as walnuts, raisins, or chocolate chips.
Coat muffin pan cups with butter or vegetable oil spray. Use a spoon to distribute the muffin batter equally among the cups, filling the cups up completely.
Bake on the middle rack until muffins are golden brown, and the top of the muffins spring back when pressed slightly with a fingertip, about 25 to 30 minutes. Insert toothpick into center to check doneness; toothpick should come out clean. Cool muffins on wire rack.

*Makes 18-22 muffins depending on how many extra chopped ingredients are added to the batter.
**You don't need a mixer for this recipe.

2009-01-31T02:33:00.000-08:00

Thinking about the many accounts recorded in Scripture of Jesus confronting people's unbelief, He really just gets to the heart of the issue. No waffling small talk; he asks the exact questions that gets to the heart of the issue, that is, to the heart of their unbelief.

Jesus directly confronts Nicodemus the Pharisee with the futility of his self-righteous works-based religion [Jn 3]. With the woman at the well, He skillfully takes her from a conversation about physical water to address her spiritual need for living water, without letting her sidetrack the conversation with subject changes or irrelevant questions [ Jn. 4]. He gets to the core of the rich young ruler's issue and confronts his unwillingness to leave and follow Christ in obedience.

I know personally that I have much to learn from Christ's example in this area. As a body of believers need to be directly asking the tough questions to the unbelievers around us. I need to be doing this. Often times these unbelievers are sitting right next to us in church. The more gospel truth they hear, the more they are accountable for it [Heb...10?]. And oh how terrifying it is to fall into the hands of the living God. These are jumbled afterthoughts of things I've been thiking about...but that's all I have for now.

Ham and Potato Chowder

2009-01-22T21:24:00.000-08:00

This was one of my favorite recipes during the winter season. It's hearty and warm, and fills you up with ham, potatos, celery, and chowdery goodness. The base isn't made with cream, but with a roux of equal parts butter and flour with milk added. I'd like to think that makes it a little bit healthier than a traditional chowder made with full-fat cream. This recipe is flexible, so try experimenting with your favorite ingredients or leftover ingredients you need to clean out of the fridge.

Ham and Potato Chowder

Ingredients:
3 1/2 cups peeled and diced potatoes
2/3 cup diced celery
1 cup finely chopped onion
1 cup diced cooked ham
4 cups water
2 tablespoons chicken bouillon granules
1/2 teaspoon salt, or to taste
1 teaspoon ground white or black pepper, or to taste
6 tablespoons butter
6 tablespoons all-purpose flour
2 1/2 cups milk

Directions:

Combine the potatoes, onion, ham and water in a stockpot. Bring to a boil, then cook over medium heat for 5 minutes. Stir in the celery, chicken bouillon, salt and pepper; cook another 5 minutes, or until potatoes are tender.
In a separate saucepan, melt butter over medium-low heat. Whisk in flour with a fork, and cook, stirring constantly until thick, about 1 minute. Slowly stir in milk as not to allow lumps to form until all of the milk has been added. Continue stirring over medium-low heat until thick, 4-5 minutes.
Stir the milk mixture into the stockpot; cook soup to desired consistency and serve. Serves approximately 8 people.

Foodie Photos

2009-01-22T19:29:00.000-08:00

I've been trying to brush up on my food photography skills, as well as my decorating skills. Remember the caramel apple cheesecake? Here's the version I baked:

2009-01-18T22:46:00.000-08:00

The issue of sleep has been somewhat of a trial for me over the past two weeks. The most recent incident was yesterday night when I promptly went to bed at midnight so as to be rested for morning worship at church. One hour later...still awake. I didn't end up sleeping until past 2am. Not good when I have to wake up at 7. Last night was an recurrence of other nights this past weeks where it's taken me 1-2 hours to fall asleep. Sometimes it's noises keeping me up, sometimes I'm up thinking and my brain keep me up; sometimes it's both. So last night after an hour I decided to just get up and just read and pray until I felt like I could sleep. I was frustrated that I couldn't sleep because I felt like getting enough sleep is often the determining factor for having an attentive heart during service. So...why? Why has sleep been an issue on and off these weeks?

As I was praying about different things during the night the Lord brought some things to my attention. The reason why I couldn't sleep on those nights was because I was constantly concerned about a number of things that lay before me. Things like small group, people's salvation, future, jobs, apartment relationships, talking to parents, where and how to use my time, graduation...things that were uncertain in the present moment or completely out of my control...these things occupied my thoughts in what should be the quiet of the night. I believe that the Lord was using my sleep deprivation and physical tiredness as a loving reproof to remind me that until I wholly cast my anxieties upon Him I will have neither rest nor peace of mind. The Lord has been teaching me that prayer is an expression of the trust that we have in Him in that founded on the fact that He is sovereign. 1 Peter 5:6-7 and Phil 4:6-8 come to mind.

Perhaps this is a symptom of senior year, but another thing the Lord brought to my attention as I was praying last night was that my mind is so often focused on tomorrow that I lose focus on today. It has hindered me from giving thanks for the ways that the Lord is providing for me and blessing my life in the present moments of my day. Elisabeth Elliot in one of her books quoted something that Jim Elliot had written to her in a letter. He said to her, "Wherever you are, be all there. Live to the hilt every situation you believe to be the will of God." I really like that. I need to BE in the present moment. My burdens have also made me more self-absorbed and worried about myself where in my selfishness I have failed to care for and ask about the needs of others. This is something I am tangibly seeking to work on in the weeks to come, and I am thankful for the patience of my friends as I seek for better care for them.

I thank God for using the issue of rest to remind me of my need to depend on Him both for my physical and my spiritual needs. Though I slept little the night before, Sunday worship was sweet throughout this whole day, and I think the Lord used these small trials to soften and prepare my heart for worship on Sunday. It was something where I realized I could have gotten all the sleep I wanted and I still would have been hindered and distracted in worship. Instead, though I had little sleep God granted grace for me to hear and worship. What a good God we have, and what a wonderful Sunday of worship it was.

"Therefore humble yourself under the mighty hand of God, casting all your anxiety on Him, because He cares for you." 1 Peter 5:6-7

the longing

2009-01-17T23:37:00.000-08:00

Lord let me long for that heav'nly shore.
Though wonders fill this world,
there awaits much more.
Oh Lord, let it seem, closer than a distant dream
and make my heart pine
for that fair land like ne'er before.

God, grant me faith to trust Your perfect plan.
'Til You finally complete in me the work that You began.
Oh God, guide my feet, 'til I walk on golden streets,
on this narrow path ahead
that leads me to Your Promised Land.

Father, fix my eyes to see beyond my home;
for my fortune and my comfort
weigh me down like heavy stones.
Oh Father, strip from me,
all but breath and love for Thee.
So all that it is within me will depend on You alone.

Jesus, join Your church both in spirit and in mind.
Let her always bring You joy
as your pure and faithful bride.
Oh Jesus, may You be Savior Lord, and coming King
in our lives as we share
Your glorious gospel to mankind.

"The Longing" - Enfield

random snippets of things read

2009-01-13T23:02:00.000-08:00

"Prayer assumes the sovereignty of God. If God is not sovereign, we have no assurance that He is able to answer our prayers. Our prayers would become noting more than wishes. But while God's sovereignty, along with His wisdom and love, is the foundation of our trust in Him, prayer is the expression of that trust."
~Trusting God by Jerry Bridges

"The greatest enemy of hunger for God is not poison but apple pie. It is not the banquet of the wicked that dulls our appetite for heaven, but endless nibbling at the table of the world. It is not the X-rated video, but the prime-time dribble of triviality we drink in every night. For all the ill that Satan can do, when God describes what keeps us from the banquet table of his love, it is a piece of land, a yoke of oxen, and a wife (Luke 14:18-20). The greatest adversary of love to God is not his enemies but his gifts. And the most deadly appetites are not for the poison of evil, but for the simple pleasures of earth. For when these replace an appetite for God himself, the idolatry is scarcely recognizable, and almost incurable."
- A Hunger for God by John Piper

blogpost on Ephesians 5:15-16 by Carolyn Mahaney:
"...we are to walk with the utmost accuracy, with extreme care, with caution. We are not to trudge blindly or routinely through our days. We shouldn’t just let life happen and try to deal with the results, be what they may. We should not allow one day to flow into the next, being concerned only with the present moment. No, we must look around. We must develop keen eyes. We must examine our lives. We must evaluate our present manner of living and consider how to prepare for the future.

It means we look…

backward on our life thus far, so that we might avoid past errors and repeat former victories;
forward to consider where a plan or course of action may lead;
inside our hearts to examine our motives and the reasons for the choices that we make;
around and take stock of our present fruitfulness;
beside us for critique, help, and wisdom from fellow believers;
and most of all…
Look up and seek guidance from our Heavenly Father through prayer and His Word."

Jasmine Tea Cookies

2009-01-06T00:50:00.000-08:00

Time for a new recipe dontcha think? I was craving some cookies today....symptom of looking at too many food blogs. I wanted something fresh, something different for the new year. Something not too heavy in light of post-holiday pigging out. It's freezing in my apt, so I also wanted to bake for warmth. A cookie that goes well with some hot tea would be delicious.

I stumbled upon a recipe for earl grey tea cookies...so I decided to experiment with the tea I had and make some Jasmine green tea cookies. I believe that Jasmine's flowery herbal scent would pair well with a light sugary cookie.

The recipe requires a food processor. I tried using an electric mixer to no avail. The recipe has no eggs and very sparse liquid, so for the butter and flour to combine into a uniform dough you really need to give it a good run through a processor. If you have a large one you are set. Unfortunately I only had a small barely-2-cups food processor, but it did the job. Depending on how many cookies you want to make you just have to pulse it in batches. Besides this, the recipe is very very simple and yields a fragrant, light and crispy, buttery cookie that smells so good out of the oven. It's perfect for your next tea party or for nibbling with a nice hot cup of tea and a good book on a cold winter night.

Jasmine Tea Cookies

1 cup all purpose flour
1/4 cup sugar
1/4 cup confectioners' sugar
1 tablespoon Jasmine green tea leaves (or experiment with your favorite tea leaves!)
1/4 teaspoon salt
1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 teaspoon water
1/2 cup unsalted butter

Preheat oven to 375°F. Pulse together all the dry ingredients in a food processor until the tea leaves are pulverized.
Add vanilla, water, and butter. Pulse together until a dough is formed. Form the dough into a log onto a piece of wax or parchment paper. Wrap the paper around and roll the log smooth. Freeze now, or chill for at least 30 minutes.
When chilled, slice the log into 1/3 inch thick pieces. Place on baking sheets and bake until the edges are just brown, about 12 minutes. Let cool on sheets for 5 minutes, then transfer to wire racks.

counted as loss

2008-12-26T17:19:00.000-08:00

I just received an email written by my pastor at my home church in SF. Before Christmas this week they returned home to find their home had been buglarized! Oh man. Oh man. I am encouraged by their response and this quote that he shared from Matthew Henry:

"Let me be thankful, first, because he never robbed me before; second, because although he took my purse, he did not take my life; third, because although he took all I possessed, it was not much; and fourth, because it was I who was robbed, not I who robbed." ~Matthew Henry

Both my pastor and his wife rejoice that though they have lost many of their possessions, they reminded me that one thing we as believers can never lose is Christ. In the midst of gift-buying, gift-returning and exchanging, and crazy post-holiday sales and commercialism, it's refreshing to have this reminder and encouragement from them. We can rejoice that the gift of salvation is the one thing that can never be stolen.

My pastor says:
"[We] are thankful that though we have lost a few of this world's possessions, we have not lost Christ. He is a gift in Whom we find our sufficiency and joy and peace. We thank God for using this small trial to remind us of this wonderful truth. Praise God for the gift of His Son, Whose birth we celebrate this Christmas!"

Amen to that. Hope you all had a Christ-filled Christmas.

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Pie

2008-12-24T14:32:00.000-08:00

Here's a recipe that I tried from this food blog. I've edited the recipe ingredients and directions to make it my own and to suit my own taste. I doubled the graham cracker crust and cheesecake filling, and reduced the caramel by half to lessen the sugaryness. You can also substitute fuji apples for granny smith apples like I did. Any type of apple that is naturally crispy and crunchy works well in a pie.

I hope this gives you some ideas for some holiday treats! May this recipe help you find an opportunity to serve family and friends with some yummy dessert this Christmas. Merry Christmas everyone!

Caramel Apple Cheesecake Pie

Ingredients:
Crust:
3 cups graham cracker crumbs
3 tablespoons sugar
1 teaspoon cinnamon
2/3 cup butter, melted
1/2 cup caramel ice cream topping
1 cup chopped pecans (or walnuts)

Apple Filling:
6 Granny Smith apples (peeled, cored, sliced thin)
5 tablespoons butter
1/2 cup brown sugar
1/4 teaspoon salt
1 teaspoon cinnamon

Cream Cheese Topping:
2 blocks cream cheese (8 oz. each)
2 teaspoon vanilla
2 egg
2 tablespoon lemon juice
1/3 cup sugar

Whipped cream:
1 cup heavy cream
1/2 tsp gelatin
1 tb cold water
2 tbs powdered sugar

Finishing Garnishes:
1/4 cup caramel ice cream topping
1/4 cup chopped pecans

Directions:

Preheat oven to 375 degrees F.
Crush 24 ounces of graham crackers either in a food processor, or in a sealed zip lock bag with a rolling pin to yield about 3 cups of crumbs.
In a medium bowl, combine the crumbs, sugar, cinnamon. Add melted butter and mix well. Press into a 10-inch springform pan and up the sides. Bake for 6-7 minutes until golden in color. Remove pie shell from oven and cool completely.
Pour caramel into pie shell and sprinkle with chopped nuts. Refrigerate pie shell while making apple filling.
In a skillet or saucer, melt butter over medium heat and add brown sugar, salt and cinnamon. Stir until dissolved. Add apples and stir. Cook over medium to medium-high heat until apples are slightly softened and tender. Let cool for 10 minutes and pour into pie shell.
In a medium bowl, beat cream cheese and sugar with an electric mixer until smooth. Add egg, lemon juice and vanilla and beat until fully blended. Pour over apple filling in pie shell.
Reduce oven to 3500F. Bake for 30 minutes at 350oF until an inserted knife comes out clean. Remove pie from oven and let cool. Refrigerate for 4 hours. Let stand outside the refrigerator for 30 minutes before serving.
*In a small glass bowl, sprinkle gelatin into cold water and stir with a spoon. Place bowl into a larger or tray or bowl of boiling hot water and stir gelatin solution until dissolved. Alternatively, microwave gelatin at low heat for ten seconds. Cool gelatin, but do not let it harden. If gelatin hardens, re-microwave and let cool.
With an electric mixer, beat heavy cream. When soft ripples in the cream just begin to form, add powdered sugar, vanilla, and gelatin solution and continue whipping just until hard peaks form and whipped cream dollops stick to the beaters. Do not overbeat whipped cream.
Top each slice with a dollop of whipped cream. Swirl caramel over pie and sprinkle with chopped nuts. Slice and serve. (Alternatively, cover the whole pie with whipped cream, caramel, and nuts; swirl with a knife to create swirl patterns over the pie).

*The gelatin added to the whipped cream stabilizes the cream and helps it to hold its shape and prevent it from melting as quickly. Gelatin can be omitted, but whipped cream should stay refrigerated until ready to serve either way.

Interpreting the Bible - problems, approaches, goals, steps.

2008-12-22T02:07:00.000-08:00

Interpreting the Bible - problems, approaches, goals, steps.
Hmm...so it seems like there were some things I meant to get back to blog about, but I didn;t really get to them. Maybe I will come back to those post someday. For now instead, I'm preparing to teach a lesson on how to study the Bible to my small group when the new quarter starts, before we jump into Phillippians. Thinking about what and how I want to teach this weighty, huge subject to my girls, I realize I myself have much to learn also. So, I think my posts for a while will be on this topic of bible study since this is what I'm studying right now over winter break.

There are a few potential problems that one can run into when trying to figure out what the Bible is saying.
One reason is that there are differences between the biblical audience the text is addressed to and the modern audience of the reader. We are separated by culture, language, situation, time. Another reason is that we need to remember that there are differences between the Old and New Covenant as well.

Wrong Approaches:

1. Using intuition to feel your way to a meaning in the text. (Likened to wading blindly out into the deep end of a river.)
2. Spiritualizing the meaning of the text without regard to the biblical context. (i.e. Attempting to jump the river in one leap.)
3. Ignoring or moving on from the passage. The *shrug I dunno*. (i.e. Staying onshore without even trying to find a way to cross the river.)

Goal of Interpretation:
To seek the correct meaning of the text and derive theological principles to understand and apply to our lives from the text by using a method that can be consistently applied to any text of Scripture.

4 Basic Steps of Interpretation

1. What did the text mean to the biblical audience?
2. What are the differences between the biblical audience and us?
3. What is the theological principle in this text
4. How should individual Christians today apply the theological principle in their lives?

fellowship and prayer

2008-12-06T22:13:00.000-08:00

Today we had our first class prayer mtg of the year. Praise God for fellowship and prayer. I think during finals week I sometimes feel starved of it.

God has been sovereign to provide me with opportunities for really sweet fellowship in light of the fact that during finals week fellowship usually drops off a lot. I even got to hang out with some rly cool ppl at the ucla game today. Haha...y'all know I don't care about football that much. The time hanging out was really good though.

I can't wait for Sunday worship in the morning! Until then...more studying for finals.

grace provided for long days

2008-10-28T17:53:00.000-07:00

Ever had those long days where you feel as if the day should have ended 3-4 hours ago?

I'm in the midst of one of those long days right now...but I still have a couple more hours to go. 2 hours ago I was already beat. On these kinds of days I'm reminded of how dependent I am on the Lord for the littlest of things I need to get through the day. Mental endurance and a patient attitude are the biggest things He supplies when the day wears me down. I'm feeling the weariness...but I can hang in there for a feel more hours! Then I'll be even more thankful for the apartment I get to return to and the soft, cushy sofa I get to flop down on...an apartment and a cushy sofa provided by God.

On long tiring days you are more thankful for the little things. =) Like iced green tea with honey from Ackerman and 20 minutes to sit down and take a breath...time to go tackle the next task at hand.